#1 ; snow good, ellie ; 2/21, evening

[pungi]

[ Ellie has been pretty good at keeping fairly occupied since she got to this weird ass town. Mainly by exploring, looking for people she knows aren't here and playing video games for the first time. It's gotten harder though, especially since she got back her memories of Joel and what she was supposed to be doing before she came here, intertwined with strange memories of this place that make little sense.

And then came the snow. Ellie hates snow. Not because it makes traipsing through the town more difficult - she's used to traipsing through snow. But with the return of things she's glad she remembers now, also comes things she wishes she didn't remember. She needs distraction.

And the strange domesticity of her new house just isn't doing it. So, a few important books in hand, she decides to finally give this weird phone thing a try. ]

Uh. Hey. Okay, so I'm guessing most people are tired of moving snow or stuck inside staring at four walls, thinking about stuff that makes no fucking sense, so - time for some distraction.

[ She clears her throat, and there's the sound of flickering pages. ] A prisoner's favourite punctuation mark is the period... It marks the end of his sentence. [ A chortle of laughter. ] Oh man... The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.

[ More laughter. ] These are pretty good, right? I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes. Haha, still a good one.

Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers. [ There's a short pause, Ellie frowning, before she adds, unsure: ] That... Yeah, okay, you got me. I don't get that one.

[ What the fuck is acupuncture? ]

You guys tired yet? 'Cause there's snow way these puns are that bad. [ Ellie grins, proud. She made up that one on her own. You're welcome, Pines. ]

Comments

[dragoness]

[ those puns are bad and you should feel bad. ]

Acupuncture is the practice of strategically sticking needles all over someone's flesh! If you do it right, there's no blood - which is boring, but hey, some people enjoy it.

Audio

[flowerida]

Bravo, bravo! Encore!

[ There's clapping in the background there. ]

Oooh, speaking of, I've got some of my own too. You wanna hear them?

[vdova]

[ There's a slightly long pause here, and then Natasha responds, tone casual, neutral. Telling an anecdote. ]

So. These two mushrooms are hanging out downtown one night. They're having a good time, relaxing from a long day at work, walking around, hitting the bars. Like you do, when you're a mushroom. And they pass by this one club that has some great music playing and what appears to be a great atmosphere, and the first mushroom turns to the other mushroom and says "Let's stop in here."

Well. The second mushroom starts to agree and then glances up at a sign above the door that reads 'No Mushrooms served'. He shakes his little cap, and says, "No, no, we can't, there's a sign, they don't serve mushrooms."

First mushroom says "Whatever, let's go," and there's no bouncer at the door so they head inside. The first mushroom walks up to the bar, makes himself comfortable and says "Bartender, serve me a drink."

The bartender turns around, a little startled and shakes his head, pointing to another sign. "Sorry, we don't serve mushrooms here," not being mean about it, just firm.

And the first mushroom leans forward and ask "Why not? I'm a fun guy."

[unforgivably]

[ He's starting to regret this golden rule. He was on his way out, too. ]

Acupuncture's where they stick little little needles in your back and your arms, sometimes even your face in order to get that overactive mind of yours under control. It's an overpriced relaxing technique. I prefer other means of relaxation. [ Not that he has in months. Month. Several sets of memories contradicting one another is now a daily occurrence. Usually, more than several times a day.

Inwardly he has a joke about vampires, but he couldn't say it because it sucks. There's no reason to bring any attention to that part of him. Also, he doesn't trust these things. ] I keep trying to introduce my brother to my hair stylist, but they just don't gel. It blows me away. I don't want to cut him out of my life. It's sheer madness.

[ Hey. He's trying. ]

[ratkingcole]

If I don't pick up the phone ever again, it's because buried it in the yard after getting a call like this.

Seriously kiddo, that was terrible.

[keephimtalking]

Why.

[pungi]

[ Excuse you. ]

Wait, what. Why? [ She's pretty sure any shot wouldn't need needles all over the body. ]

[dragoness]

For pleasure!

[ a beat ]

Or torture, depending on if you're bad at it.

[pungi]

Thank you, thank you. [ She would bow if this were a video. ]

You bet I do! [ Always eager for more puns. She's read most of the ones in her books. ]

[dehanded]

[ a growl... ]

I do not understand. You have these problems, and do not try to stop them? Foolish.

[pungi]

[ By all accounts, that should be downright terrible. And it kinda is. But after listening in rapt attention to til the end, you can bet Ellie then bursts into laughter. ] Fungi... [ She glances back down at her book, and there's the sound of more flicking pages. ]

That's kinda cute, but did you hear the other joke about the fungi? I could tell it to you, but it might need time to grow on you.

[ These jokes are growing a bit ironic themselves, but Ellie is very much ignoring that. ]

[pungi]

Oh... [ Well, now it makes more sense. Though as usual the explanation kinda ruins the joke. ] Well, that... doesn't sound relaxing. Doesn't it hurt?

[ She grins. This is much more fun when people play along here. And those are some great puns. ] I'd brush him off, for now. It'll grow on him.

[pungi]

Pftt, you're terrible. Way too many hangups.

[pungi]

...did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat.

[pungi]

[ Wut. ]

My problems? No, they're - they're puns. Like jokes.

[ You... you know what a joke is, right? ]

[pungi]

[ Uh. ] Stabbing someone with needles sounds like it'd hurt, however good at it you are.

[ratkingcole]

[She doesn't get an answer, just a loud groan and the sound of someone punching a phone off of a table.]

[unforgivably]

Not if done right.

[ But, it can. Everything can hurt, Ellie. That should be a lesson you learn one day. ]

And it would shave off more time he'd spend with me. [ This is getting a little old. ] Snowed in?

[dehanded]

Jokes are meant to be amusing! These are not. Stabbing someone in the back is even less so. You should be able to see their face if you want to laugh.

im so sorry

[theophilia]

[Surely Father Pucci is not going to contribute to this. Why would he? Don't be ridiculous.]

[...................]

I may not be perfect. But Jesus thinks I'm to die for.

[yOU ARE THE WORST CATHOLIC--]

[flowerida]

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

[ Can you hear the grinning over the line there, Ellie? Because it's really obvious. ]

A toad!

[pungi]

[ There's a pause there. Unfortunately, that joke requires context Ellie doesn't have at all, like what towing a car means (this girl grew up in a quarantine zone where only the military had vehicles, and everywhere they parked was legal to them).

There's a pause, and Ellie offers a small polite laugh, before it fades and she admits, ] ...I don't get it.

[pungi]

Pft, stabbing someone the right way also hurts. [ In her experience.

Unfortunately, she already knows more than she should about pain. ]

Eh, not yet. I'm just not a big fan of snow.

[pungi]

Corstine?

[ It's no fun if you're not there. ]

C'mon I've gotta tell you jokes about phones. It's my calling.

[pungi]

Jeez, calm down. Don't be mad if you don't get it.

[ She isn't gonna touch that last sentence, just... note this person's number for future reference. ]