the network

Good news everyone: negotiations went through and Weaver's is now going to officially start selling drinks over forty proof.

[ Hey, Eliot. Heyyyy, Eliot. You're totally getting side-eyed over the phone here, somehow. Hope you enjoy this weird new form of communication. ]

In... celebration of this wonderful new landmark, drinks'll be half off tomorrow night. Drop by and get yourself drunk ten times faster than usual. Try to limit any vomiting to the bathroom.

[ Please, someone, hire this guy as your publicist, he's just so enthusiastic. ]

TOWN HALL IS LISTENING( under cut! )

call out post: my gf wont let me eat dinner until i go back out and buy her exactly half a pickle

y is this happening

I'm Caroline Forbes and I'm offering private singing lessons to anyone who's looking to learn how to sing or even just get their Celine Dion on. Don't be a karaoke wannabe, let me teach you how to rock the mic and sing your heart out.

Contact me here or call me for more information!

[ good morning, pinecones! guess what, your phone is ringing! you know what that means.

the call begins with a loud, satisfied siiiiigh as eliza leans back, and the grin is obvious in her voice. ]

Haaa, finally! This place gets interesting!

Fear not, townspeople! Soon, you'll all be able to consume the water once more! [ she hasn't been drinking it because, well, servant. she doesn't need it. ] Eri-chan★The Hero has saved you all! I know you'll all feel indebted to me, so you can pay your respects whenever you see me, don't worry-★! I accept all forms of adoration, but I have a soft spot for handing out autographs and taking photos with my fans.

But, you see, [ she lowers her voice to a coy whisper, and that grin gets deeper ] someone had poisoned the water just up the river! Scandal! [ gasping, really pouring on the drama now ] Someone had a bad, bad time and ended up six feet - well, inches - under!

Do you hear what I'm saying?

[ a pause.......... and eliza continues in a whisper again, a hand cupped over the reciever of the phone: ]

Rotting away, this thing fed into the water you all drink! [ an excited giggle, because really, this place was boring as hell until now ] But your brave★hero has found the body and with some work, things will be fine again. Are there any heroes BR★VE enough to help me?

[ and with another giggle, eliza hangs up. ]

( OOC; this message will disappear 3 minutes and 56 seconds after it's posted, but anyone who picks up the call when it first rings will be able to hear it in full. anyone is free to stop by murderhouse in order to talk to eliza more about what happens, but really, it's jack and ibaraki who found the body, and nyx who guarded it! HERE is the OOC thread for context!

this post is open for replies both on the call and in person, feel free to actionspam or network reply here, and thread-jacking is a-okay. WE STILL NEED A FEW MORE PEOPLE TO HELP WITH THE MYSTERY, so if you're interested in joining in, come do so! if anyone needs a convenient plot device, jack knows curaga, and healing magic will work in eliminating the symptoms as long as the character doesn't drink the tainted water again. )

[It started with what he thought was food poisoning the day after the St. Patrick's Day party. Made sense, even if it was unpleasant, and after calling out of work he tried to take it easy. The next morning, the nausea was worse, and his body had added the fun new symptom of tingling, like his hands were going numb. Even his healthy wariness of the hospital didn't keep him from going in, but the doctor agreed with him--just a bad bout of food poisoning, nothing to worry about, but he can stay for observation if he wants--but of course, he was halfway out the door already before that offer was made.

Now it's been a solid two days, and the tingling is worse. He's starting to have trouble breathing, and there's a suspicion that's growing along with the dizziness every time he stands up. So he tries to call the only doctor he knows isn't really from here--Dr. Gray. Only with the way he can't really feel his hands, and the way the numbers are kinda blurring together, it's anyone's guess who actually gets his slurred, slightly disjointed message.]

Hey--it's...10K. Ten Kay. [Said again, with careful enunciation.] I'm sick. Sicker than...I dunno. Dogs. Puppies and kittens...Doc said it was food poisoning, but I could...use a second opinion. I think. Missed work again today.

Could you...come by? And tell--tell Cassandra I'm...sorry.

[Whoops. That noise would be this discombobulated kid dropping the phone instead of hanging up.]

There's people in the hospital without clothes.

[ It's Lantar. There's no one else in the town with that flanged voice. He suddenly sounds like he's been chain smoking for a few decades now though. ]

If anyone's got shoes, pants and coats to spare, you guys think you can drop them off here? I'll be in the lobby.

So I just randomly stop being able to taste things now again. Thought it was the weather at first, but... I just woke up this morning and went two hours not being able to taste a damn thing.

[ Breakfast was pretty fucking weird. ]

Gonna head over to the hospital to get it checked out in a bit, but I just... wanted to know if anyone else has been getting weird stuff like this? After our... after your accident?

Or, hell, I know most of you are humans, but if anyone's got a clue what it might be, I'd be happy to hear it.

[ Ellie has been pretty good at keeping fairly occupied since she got to this weird ass town. Mainly by exploring, looking for people she knows aren't here and playing video games for the first time. It's gotten harder though, especially since she got back her memories of Joel and what she was supposed to be doing before she came here, intertwined with strange memories of this place that make little sense.

And then came the snow. Ellie hates snow. Not because it makes traipsing through the town more difficult - she's used to traipsing through snow. But with the return of things she's glad she remembers now, also comes things she wishes she didn't remember. She needs distraction.

And the strange domesticity of her new house just isn't doing it. So, a few important books in hand, she decides to finally give this weird phone thing a try. ]

Uh. Hey. Okay, so I'm guessing most people are tired of moving snow or stuck inside staring at four walls, thinking about stuff that makes no fucking sense, so - time for some distraction.

[ She clears her throat, and there's the sound of flickering pages. ] A prisoner's favourite punctuation mark is the period... It marks the end of his sentence. [ A chortle of laughter. ] Oh man... The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.

[ More laughter. ] These are pretty good, right? I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes. Haha, still a good one.

Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers. [ There's a short pause, Ellie frowning, before she adds, unsure: ] That... Yeah, okay, you got me. I don't get that one.

[ What the fuck is acupuncture? ]

You guys tired yet? 'Cause there's snow way these puns are that bad. [ Ellie grins, proud. She made up that one on her own. You're welcome, Pines. ]