jefferson...is a giant troll (
royalpassport) wrote in
pinesnet2017-02-05 09:04 pm
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1: going a little mad
[ Look, Jefferson hasn't really left the house much since he stumbled back from the hospital five days ago. The few things he remembers unnerve him, and he can't distinguish them from the fake memories that have become far more prominent in his mind-- being more grounded and 'realistic' than his actual life. So he just been staying inside, being a pill at Howard, and hiding in the safe familiarity of his home. With no company but the idiot amnesiac he thinks is his not-so-amicable ex.
Which is why he sounds so on edge when he records this message: ]
I could use someone to talk to. [ Pause, then an emphatic: ] Not How-- my... housemate. Who left wet towels on the bathroom floor and still won't fix the toaster he broke!
[ He lets out a frustrated breath. ]
Maybe I need more than a conversation.
Company. Company would be nice. I'll even pour you a drink.
[ So, it's not a booty call to the network, but it could be misinterpreted as one to any trolls out there. He's just lonely!
ANYWAY. Click. ]
Which is why he sounds so on edge when he records this message: ]
I could use someone to talk to. [ Pause, then an emphatic: ] Not How-- my... housemate. Who left wet towels on the bathroom floor and still won't fix the toaster he broke!
[ He lets out a frustrated breath. ]
Maybe I need more than a conversation.
Company. Company would be nice. I'll even pour you a drink.
[ So, it's not a booty call to the network, but it could be misinterpreted as one to any trolls out there. He's just lonely!
ANYWAY. Click. ]
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[ And neither will Jefferson. SHEER STUBBORNNESS KEEPS THEM HERE. ]
And he won't clean, either. I have to do everything.
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[ Take a breath. Okay. ] I can't. If I do that, it'll just... it'll spread. All over the house. Then this home will become a hovel.
[ 'Hovel.' It's a word that sits strangely with him, but he quickly shakes it off, choosing to focus on Howard and just. Divert his frustration to an easy and convenient target. ] He's like a child.
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Perhaps you should treat him like a child, then. Is there anything he particularly enjoys, here?
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Bad music. Tinkering. Annoying me.
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Do you know where he keeps his tools?
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[ Ah. Then it clicks. ]
I should take his tools away.
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[This can only end well.]
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Audio
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...
But at least there's something familiar and-- unlike his housemate-- pleasant about that cheerfulness. So, after a moment of startled silence, he admits, somewhat reluctantly: ]
It has been a while since I've eaten. [ And, having said that, he finds himself loosening up a little. ] You provide the food, and I'll provide the drinks?
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[ He even sounds like he might be smiling! Now he just needs to get ready. Luckily he has looking this good down to a science! ]
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[ Time to go pack up all the food and cleaning supplies. Lord knows, the man sounded like he needed help tidying the place up! ]
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He'll even... just... shove the disassembled toaster to its own corner of the countertop. ]
Audio -> Action
Exactly 20 minutes later there's a knock on the door and a muffled sing song 'Jefferson! Buddy!' from the other side. ]
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( guess who? )
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Don't you have a shop to mismanage?
[ Don't you have a shop, too, Jefferson? Pot. Kettle. Blah blah. ]
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this is more important, anyway. ) What's your type? The lonely and desperate? Recently released convicts who haven't touched anyone in over a decade? The blind and deaf who are looking for a charitable deduction for their taxes? The recently deceased?
( what is he working with? )
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[ Is he seriously--
Oh god. ]
Smarmy idiots who need a shave, apparently.
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there's a chuckle in his voice. ) Sorry pal. I'm not interested.
( jeff broke his heart once. he can't bare to go through — hahahaha ok, howard can't keep a straight face while even thinking it )
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[ Yeah, doesn't he just sound so heartbroken? ]
I don't know what I ever saw in you. [ No, really, he doesn't. His memories are a mess. ] Really, it's one of life's great mysteries.
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yes, focusing on insulting jeff will enable him to ignore the fact that he doesn't remember anything from the supposed past relationship — nothing from his past period. )
Yeah, how did a catch like me ever end up with lame fathead like you? Get Sherlock Holmes on the line, he's got a mystery to solve.
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[ Not really. He doesn't remember who ended it, though he can easily imagine the why. But what he does know is that his scant memories are a hell of a lot more than Howard's got right now. So he might as well have fun with it. ]
But you do like to talk big for a man who cried on my shoulder for two hours when I ended things.
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what has howard done to deserve this kind of treatment? honestly?
but those are concerns for another day, another time. when jeff doesn't need to be taken down a notch. a smirk twists at howard's mouth and he adjusts the phone to his ear. there's enough biting sarcasm in his voice that even a fathead like jeff should be able to catch the true meaning behind his words. ) Oh baby, you could always see right through me, couldn't you? How could I not cry over the loss of touching your lovely baby smooth skin, — ( which explains howard's constant urge to diaper his face. ) — your lips, which are like raspberries, and those eyes — oh god blue like the Mediterranean? Do you — ( bubbling laughter cuts him off. in fact, for the next thirty seconds, he'll be laughing too hard to hear anything jeff says. )
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Jefferson? Is everything all right?
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[ Okay, he can't lie to his shrink. She knows his moods well enough, right? Jefferson hesitates, a guilty silence hanging over the line before he speaks again. ]
No. I don't think so.
[ It's a weak admission, and he winces at the sound of his own voice, all small like that. Clearing his throat, he adds: ]
I haven't missed an appointment, have I?
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I can come over. It doesn't have to be official.
[After all the problems relating to memory loss, not remembering her name, not finding any signs of her husband and baby daughter, she's hoping her job... some semblance of 'normalcy' would help jog everything that's real back into place.
That and it's an excellent distraction.]
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All right. I can-- I'll put the kettle on.
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[And she will be knocking politely at his door soon enough, smiling when the door opens. In her hands is a small plastic cylinder with loose tea leaves inside, though it's hard to tell with its colorful exterior.]
Hey.
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late, late late.
Well, he hasn't even gotten a word in, edge-wise yet. This guy is the definition of stir-crazy. Then again, Damon's a vampire stuck inside. He's going his own version of stir-crazy. ]
Drink's not necessary. As for company, I'm in the middle of something right now. Talking, I can do. I have no real memories to pull from when it comes to messy roommates. I live with my brother and he is meticulously clean. And, so am I. So, sorry you don't live with us?
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He lets out a soft, short laugh that's more than a little bitter. ]
I don't suppose you're taking in any extra roommates right now.
[ It's a joke. A FLAT, UNHAPPY JOKE FROM A MISERABLE SHUT-IN. ]
Though to be honest, I'd rather live alone.
[ He knows it's wrong the moment he says it. The word-- alone-- brings back a familiar ache of loss, of a daughter who may or may not exist. ]
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Who knows what's stopping you. [ The desire comes and goes. Mostly goes. Elena. Even Stefan. Bonnie. He doesn't admit it out loud, but he likes when he doesn't live alone. He even prefers it. ] If they even are. How'd he break the toaster?