001 | voice

[comic_relief]

Hey, wait. Not yet, hold on. You can't come yet, I have to call somebody fir--whoa! _{[A stifled intake of breath. A pleading note.]} Oh, come on, give me a break. Not yet!

<sub>[The message starts with a Jack's voice drifting in and out of range, like somebody caught between talking away from the receiver and turning into it. Urgency threads through the words.

There's a distant squeak of bed springs, another hissed breath.]</sub>

Ohhhh, I see something! _{[That urgency ramps up to something closer to awe and terror of the unknown.]} It's pink in there! I can see it moving around! I forget what I'm supposed to do! I was just getting used to having Eggbert around and now he's falling to pieces on me.

_[Faintly:]

Oh, shit...

_{[Even fainter, the sound of a delicate, barely audible cheep.]}

What the hell is that? You gotta come over and bring the dog food or something-- Wait. _{[Now there's a sudden silence as a perplexed somebody realizes this isn't the private call he thought he was making. Goddamn phones, where's a moogle when you need one?]} This isn't even the right line! Lemme try that again.

_{[That there is the definitive 'click' of a hang up.]}

Comments

[failtography]

Er. ( what even was that. ) Hello?

Everything okay over there?

[comic_relief]

<sub>[Recording a message for the entire communication network hadn't been his intention, but he doesn't have time to worry about everyone in town hearing him curse, he's too busy wondering what the hell to do with an egg that's moving and twitching like a living thing. (It technically is a living thing, but that's not the point.)

If anyone from Akademeia's here and recognizes his voice thanks to that mass message, that'd be a major bonus to come out of all of this. Wishful thinking? Ah well, at least some strangers here seem nice and helpful. Jack answers almost immediately, thanks to still having the phone clutched in his hand.]</sub>

--Hello? Man, punching buttons on this thing sucks when you're in a hurry. You wouldn't happen to have a number for eggmergency services, would you? 'Cause I need it.

_{[Ah, that was weak... That moment when low-key panic wreaks havoc on your wit.]}

[failtography]

Oh - ( despite how it sounds vaguely chaotic on the other side of the line he's still gotta laugh - just a little - because it's hard to miss a pun like that. ) Nah, sorry, but if y'don't mind I can probably still take a crack at it anyhow.

( was that an accident? on purpose? WHO KNOWS, though prompto figures it isn't too appropriate either way; whoever it is on the line doesn't sound like he's in some kind of life-threatening situation, after all. )

[comic_relief]

<sub>[Your contribution to this comedy of errors is greatly appreciated, Prompto. Why dwell on your problems when you can laugh them off? Eheheheh...

... augh.]</sub>

Can you stop one from cracking up? I'm trying to look on the sunny side here, but I'm a little out of my depth.

_{[Read: a lot.]}

[failtography]

I'm sure it'll be fine - y'probably don't need to go scrambling around for anythin', buddy! Just wait and see if it's got any trouble breaking out, I guess.

[comic_relief]

<sub>[Unfortunately, there's no good egg puns for "I'm not mentally prepared for this thing, my friends would know what to do but they're not here and I am and my plate of scrambled eggs is plenty full, thank you, somebody else needs to figure this out" ...

Never mind, guess there is room for one more egg pun.]</sub>

... Can I bust it open to make it go faster?

_{[Ummmmmm, pretty sure the farm people said not to do that, but the ongoing struggle of creature vs. egg sure makes it seem like it's stuck in there. Having never seen the miracle of birth up close before, Jack hadn't realized it's this awkward and slow going.]}

[failtography]

( okay yeah no he's too alarmed by that to even think of making a pun now because BOI DON'T ABUSE THE EGG ) Uhh I can't say I've ever watched anything hatch myself but that might not be a good idea! Did you ask anyone at the farm yet?

action.

[dragoness]

[ from somewhere outside jack's room: ]

What's with all the yelling!?

[comic_relief]

_{[From somewhere inside the room, a voice made jolly with exaggerated good cheer calls back:]}

Nothing! Nothiiiing! Not a thing!

_{["Say the words enough times and they'll come true," the motto of the fake it 'til you make it school of philosophy. Suddenly his door swings open. If Eliza's standing very close, she might want to step back a little as Jack is right there, filling the doorway with a smile. Actually, she might want to step back, anyway. He's looking a bit manic.]}

Say, while you're here... How long does something normally take to hatch out of an egg?

_{[Asking for reasons that have nothing to do with the egg that's been living in his rented room with him all this time.]}

[dragoness]

[ ... well then, since eliza has No Idea about this egg hatching thing, there's only one conclusion she can draw from this question. ]

Are you askin' because you think I've laid eggs before?!

[ because.

you know.

she's a dragon. ]

[comic_relief]

<sub>[Her? Lay eggs? Concordian dragons lay eggs, sure, and she reminds him of a Concordian a bit, but he's seen wyvern eggs from when...? Right, from when they'd taken over the Dragon's Nest. That big egg, making that weird distress sound as it was attacked...

No, Jack, don't do it, don't contemplate the biology involved, don't think about it-- Too late, he looks down at her, mentally putting tiny girl and man-sized wyvern egg side-by-side. Well, that's easy to answer.]</sub>

Nah, that'd be silly.

<sub>[You're way too small to have pushed that giant thing out of you, Eliza, your hips would break.

Anyway.]</sub>

But, uhhh, maybe you've had some relevant life experience, and in your wisdom and generosity you could share.

_{[Nailed it?]}

[dragoness]

[ ... she doesn't know why he's looking her over like that, but for some reason, her hips suddenly ache.

( eliza's too young for it now, but there's a flash of white hair in her mind; a mother, a countess, a leader for her people. the vision is gone just as quickly as it appears, but eliza knows exactly who that was and why it makes her stomach turn upside down. )

a thin eyebrow lifts and doubt is cast over her expression, that thick snake behind her twisting up. ]

With eggs? Eggs are for eating! Scrambled, lesco, deviled, or over-easy!

[comic_relief]

_{[Sweet baby Jesus, not her, too.]}

No, no, I mean the purely non-edible kind! _{[What the hell are you even saying, Jack.]} Hypothetically, let's say, if the thing inside was alive, what do... you do with it?

action.

[dehanded]

[ from a different part of the house from eliza — actually. no. from outside. like, shes peeking in the window. what floor is jack's room on? boy, i hope its not the second, though that would be hilarious... ]

Is the chicken hatching!? How much meat is on it!? Bird boy!!!! I will give you four — wait... no... two elixirs when we eat it!

[comic_relief]

Where did you come from? Just how good is your sense of hearing!?

<sub>[Holy crap, had Ibaraki heard egg about to hatch from across town or what...? Or maybe it a combination of thin walls and an agitated phone message? Nah, couldn't have been that last one.

She doesn't have to worry about spider monkeying her way up the building, it's the ground floor, since it'd seemed more polite to leave the second floor to the girl with wings for her to roost up high, or whatever it is girls with wings do. But it makes the sight of Ibaraki's horned head looming in the window no less alarming.

The room itself is almost exactly the way Ibaraki and Eliza had it before he made their duo a trio. The only real personal touch is the makeshift egg incubator on the floor: a cooler, and a heating pad, and the egg now with spiderweb cracks running along the top. And Jack, crouched on his bed, well off the floor and away from the incubator. Anything could come out of that thing, okay, no one said it'd be a chicken. He's taking precautions.)

At the sight of her, he jumps to his feet on the mattress, completing this weird tableau.]</sub>

Whoa, who said anything about eating!

[dehanded]

I came from nowhere but here!

[ her hearing is very good. still, ibaraki's only 4'10", and anyone building a house worth it's salt knows to build at least part of the basement above the ground... so windows are kinda high up even from the ground. so the image he sees through the glass is something like this:

]

Even if your thing is a dragon, we should eat it! Dragon meat is delicious — though, without the red archer, we must eat it plain or find someone to make the sauce — but I will settle for chicken as well!

[comic_relief]

_{[When the garden gnomes attack, this is how it's going to look.]}

That's even worse! Have you been lurking outside my window all this time?

<sub>[He wouldn't put it past these ladies... and it's the exact reason why he's been hesitant to leave Eggbert unattended when he knows Ibaraki is home. A girl who can eat three times her weight in anything and everything that gets near her mouth is super weird, and he thought he knew what weird was when he started getting memories back of sword fights and l'Cie with glowing brands.

Probably going to the window and opening it to talk to her is counterproductive in keeping her away from her next potential snack, but Jack does it, anyway. Do you need, like, a step ladder, or some warm boots to stand out in the snow like that...?]</sub>

I'm not sure what you're talking about-- _{[An underwhelming way of saying most things out of Ibaraki's mouth are a trip and a half.]} --but I put a lot of work into getting it this far, we can't give up now! I think this little guy's ready to meet the world.

_{[Pro-life pep talks from the guy who probably wouldn't stop Iba from eating it if it weren't connected to his past somehow...]}

[dehanded]

[ how dare you. she's too cute to ever be a shitty garden gnome. ]

Do not be a fool! I was cutting the new deer! [ so they can save it for later... which explains why there's... a mess of red... all over the giant tee shirt she's wearing. it's all over her hands too, which you unfortunately can't tell until she finishes scrambling up in through the window, and leaves bloody handprints in her wake. ignoring any protests from jack, she trots over closer to the egg mess, and crouches down to get a better look. ]

You have a point, egg boy. An infant dragon would be much less filling than a grown one. But the meat would be tender!

[comic_relief]

_{[The new deer? Is there another one he doesn't know about...]}

Do you have something against buying hamburgers at the store? _{[Biting his tongue on a plea (please don't tell me that's what I think it is) is his response to the smeared red hand prints left in Ibaraki's wake as she barges right in, despite her invitation being lost in the mail. He has only himself to blame for staying in this funhouse past a single night.]} Sure... come on in, I guess.

<sub>[Jack really doesn't know what he's going to do if she unhinges her jaw and dives in for an afternoon snack or whatever she's used to doing, so he ends up standing slightly behind her, hands awkwardly hanging at his sides, watching. Hard to tell what's going to be worse on his blood pressure: egg or oni.

As Ibaraki kneels, there's a small cheep and a rattle from inside the egg. Jack's eyebrows shoot up. It'd been quiet for the longest minute, he was starting to wonder if he should get off his bed and look.]</sub>

Listen, listen! There it is again! Does that sound like a dragon to you?

[sirnyxalot]

[Immediately picking up the phone and dialing as soon as he can because whoa...

Wait a gosh darned minute here.]

Jack, is Eggbert okay?

[Congratulations, you got him to say "Eggbert" in his most serious of voices.]

[comic_relief]

_{[Just the person he was trying to reach!]}

Nyx! I was trying to call you!

_{[There's a crack, and there are chirps, and he didn't get to go out on his patrol-disguised-as-a-walk-around-the-block yet because of the interruption, and there's an oni girl craving meat omelettes, and he's starting to get a headache from memories jockeying for attention-- Help--]}

He's not looking so cheerful anymore. He started moving a while ago, and now the smile I drew for him looks grisly, man. He's cracking!

_{[RIP Eggbert, you were a good eggshell, but the cycle of life has it out for you.]}

[sirnyxalot]

[That explains a few things.]

I told you that smile was weird. Do you remember what the farmer said at all?

[He'd written it down, but couldn't remember off the top of his head where he left it. In a drawer somewhere.]

[comic_relief]

You mean besides keep both sides warm and not to panic?

_{[That last part might be a lost cause. Jack sounds in fairly high spirits despite the buzz of nervous energy in his tone, even a tad on the glib side, but what he sounds like stops at the surface.]}

What should I do!?

_{[But it says something that Nyx was the first person he thought to call--Jack isn't sure what and he doesn't have the time to ponder that one in-depth just now.]}

[sirnyxalot]

Well, stop panicking, for one.

[Jack sounds decently level, but if he's anything like Nyx at this moment he's probably freaking out. Nyx is usually calm and collected but the miracle of birth is out of his experience. They don't even know what's going to come out of it yet.]

How far along is it?

[comic_relief]

_{[A dumbfounded silence. How far along? That presumes he knows where the start and where the finish is.]}

There's a hole. And it's wiggling. So it's... getting along? It goes quiet for a while and then the noises start up again. I only noticed because the part of the shell that's missing makes it look like he's missing a tooth.

_{[Poor Eggbert...]}