message board; username: [ a literal keysmash ]

[dehanded]

HELLO DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI READ THIS !!!!!!!

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI YOU ARE USELESS GET OUT OF THE STUPID SHOP AND READ THE MESSAGE FROM THE HUMAN MACHINE

OR I WILL SMASH YOUR BIRD DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

YOU ARE A TERRIBLE CASTER

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

[guerrilla]

MAKE IT YOUR DAMN SELF

[that wasn't very da vinci-like]

[dehanded]

[ no, listen. caps lock means youre just talking normal, right? ]

YOU ADMIT IT YOURSELF YOU CANNOT DO IT

A GENIUS INDEED

CANNOT EVEN PROPERLY MAKE ALCOHOL

IT AMAZES ME THAT OUR MASTER EVEN KEEPS YOU AT ALL

[guerrilla]

I'M A PAINTER, YOU GODDAMN BRAT

[dehanded]

YOU DO NOT WRITE THE WORD PAINTER THE SAME AS GENIUS

SO YOU ARE ALSO A LIAR

[guerrilla]

i'd tell you to read a book about me but i don't even know if you know how to read.

[dehanded]

[ if she knew how to use the "?" key she'd put one here ]

I AM SPEAKING WITH WORDS YOU FOOL

[guerrilla]

how do i know you're not just using the voice to text function? you've been calling me a liar but maybe you've been lying the whole time.

[listen i know those didnt exist in the 90s but im running with this]

[dehanded]

[ YOU COULD FOOL HERE SHE DOESNT KNOW THIS IS AN UNFAIR ARGUMENT


if robin is within earshot of murder house, he's going to hear a screeching roar in a few seconds. and possibly see a laptop go flying out a window, followed a few minutes later by an angry oni who comes out to pick it up, changes her mind and punts it around the yard for a few minutes, and then picks it up and carries it inside again.

how it still works after all of that, we have no idea. ]

I DO NOT LIE WHEN I SAY I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR BIRD AND BURN YOUR WHOLE WORKSHOP TO THE GROUND AND THEN PUT OUT THE FLAMES WITH YOUR IDIOT PAINTS AND THEN BURN IT ALL AGAIN AND TAKE ANY QUARTZ WHEN MASTER TRIES TO SUMMON YOU AGAIN

[guerrilla]

you'll have to catch me first, and you don't know where i am. and you'll never find out, because the magic of da vinci-chan is the strongest of them all! ♥

[just excuse him while he dies internally typing this]

action.

[dehanded]

[ so a window on the second floor of murder house just opened with a slam, and an oni just stuck her head out with a deep, anticipatory breath. ]

Green man! [ no answer? better try again. louder, just to be careful. ] GREEN MAN! [ a deeper breath. ] GREEN MAN!

[ EVEN BIGGER INHALE... she's been living with eliza, lets hope she didn't pick anythiNG UP... ]

[guerrilla]

[he's just gonna

wait here until she notices him

maybe he'll wave]

[dehanded]

[ oh, good, she didnt have to try to eliza scream.... ANYWAY. she gives no shits, she's climbing out the window and hopping (literally) over to where this fucking bum is, except technically its the closest place where she can crouch down delinquent style and still be eye level or above with him. like so. ]

Green man, the da Vinci woman will not rayshift me back to Chaldea, or make real sake, and wishes to burn you for prisms! Therefore, you will help me kill her first.

[ i mean. uh. ]

[guerrilla]

...Uh, I'm pretty sure Da Vinci doesn't wanna burn me.

[He would know. He wrote the messages.]

[dehanded]

Of course she does! Which is why she must die, before she finds the opportunity to turn you into small green boxes.

[ projecting subconscious fears? ibaraki? that cant be right. ]

[guerrilla]

[He's touched, he thinks.]

I dunno, it seems like she'd be better to have around. She's a genius, right?

[He'll get Ibaraki to tell her why she needs him if it kills him, even if he suspects it's probably just as stupid as most of the things she does.]

[dehanded]

A genius who cannot make sake! She is useless.

[guerrilla]

You know geniuses can't do everything, right? It just means they're smart.

[dehanded]

Prove it! If she can make you into boxes, she can make sake!

[guerrilla]

That just means she has good knife skills. Hell, if I was careful enough, I could make you into boxes too.

[no,]

[dehanded]

You are the wrong color Archer for that!

[guerrilla]

If we get Da Vinci to turn the red one into cubes, maybe she'll stop trying to turn me into them.

[WAIT, NO, THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN]

[dehanded]

He is worth more cubes, this is true... [ h m m m m... red archer belongs to rhyme, though, and she can get candy from him. ... ] We will use the red one as a decoy, and while she is distracted, we kill her! Then you will be safe, and he will have to make me candy.

[ ITS A GOOD PLAN. ]

[guerrilla]

Wait, no. Why's he the one that makes you candy?

[Why is this what he's worried about.]

[dehanded]

He does not carry any around to give out! I have checked.

[ ibaraki did. did you try to pick archer's pockets. ]

[guerrilla]

Just because I'm better prepared than that idiot doesn't mean you have to go crawling to him for handmade sweets!

[EMIYA CAN PRY ROBIN'S DUMB ONI IMOUTO FROM HIS COLD, DEAD HANDS.]