message board post - un: switchitonanov

[fe_male]

call out post: my gf wont let me eat dinner until i go back out and buy her exactly half a pickle

y is this happening

Comments

[ceoinstilettos]

[ a message board is the last place she's going to answer that question. she is not going to be remembered as the girl craving her boyfriend's pint sized pickle. ]

That's oddly specific.
Also no.

[fe_male]

[ why does he have the tiny pickle - surely if he's having to go procure one then it's not already possessed by anyone at play ]

well its a weird euphemism
weirder there tends to be more oddly specific

also someone in town actually sells pickle fractions

[ceoinstilettos]

[ she can't believe she's having this conversation right now. oh, so now she's just someone that craves pickles of any kind. fantastic. that's, like, infinitely worse. pinching the bridge of her nose she blows out a sigh. mr. ' private intimicates ' is to blame for all of this. what was once a harmless request is... well, it's still a harmless request, but she can't help but wonder how many other people are thinking it to be something else. ]

I somehow doubt that. How about just going back to the deli instead of some shady pickle salesman?

[fe_male]

[ see, tony didn't even start this. well he didn't start the part of it you're objecting to, at least. honestly he thought the whole thing was hilarious - why else would he have put it on the message board? it's a pickle, it was never supposed to become one. ]

bc now i need 2 meet the farmer willing to sell me half a pickle

[ceoinstilettos]

[ he did and he didn't. and, ok, she'll admit it was a little funny. by no means hilarious though. it's the internet, tony, of course it was going to become one. it was just a matter of time and it took, what, half a second? ]

Just make sure you come back with both of your kidneys.

[fe_male]

[ in terms of innuendo, 'my gf wants me to come back home with half a pickle' doesn't really sound that appealing, or interesting. it didn't really come to mind when he decided to share their little spat here.

also pls there are so many things that could be better. nobody's made a single chicago style hot dog joke ]

ive managed it this long
i will b back soon w both kidneys AND ur brined cucumber

[ceoinstilettos]

[ no, but, again, this is the internet and there's always going to be that one person. it's not his fault though. it's more or less her own for making such a silly, yes silly, request demand. ]

[ to be honest she's surprised no one's gone with the obvious jerkin' the gherkin. ]

Instead of soon,
how about you just come home now?
Forget the pickle.

[fe_male]

[ honestly, he's been complaining and whatnot, but. it's not like he doesn't know what's going on, and if he'd actually had a problem with it, he wouldn't have gone back out to do the thing, and he sure as hell wouldn't have put this whole post up about it. he's aware of his issues and her ongoing battle against them, and if reheated pizza is the worst thing that's going to happen to him today, he doesn't mind the extra walk.

i still fucking love 'jerkin the gherkin' i would want it on a tshirt if it made any sense whatsoever outside of this singular context.

also oh ]

i cld do that
r u sure tho
u seemed like u rly wanted it
like it seemed rly important

[ceoinstilettos]

[ not getting a 1/2 of a 1/4 of a pickle had not been the end of the world, and she was really only teasing him for the sake of doing so. besides, between the two of them they had plenty of food, so a pickle wasn't going to make or break her. ]

[ it would make an amazing tee and tbh i think you'd get some funny looks. ]

Positive.
I did. I mean, I still do.
But maybe that pickle isn't so important anymore.

[fe_male]

[ well it was definitely always the principle of the thing; he's pretty sure she wasn't going to keel over from not getting two bites of a pickle ]

well as long as ur positive

[ he's still of a mind this is all pretty funny, but maybe that's just because his life has always been subject to other people's perusal ]

[ceoinstilettos]

[ after all of this she might think it's a little funny, but that doesn't mean she wanted this posted on the message board for all to see.. ]

Very.