message board; username: [ a literal keysmash ]

[dehanded]

HELLO DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI READ THIS !!!!!!!

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI YOU ARE USELESS GET OUT OF THE STUPID SHOP AND READ THE MESSAGE FROM THE HUMAN MACHINE

OR I WILL SMASH YOUR BIRD DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

YOU ARE A TERRIBLE CASTER

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

[ouzel]

Stupid reason or not, it's mine, and I'm sure he does.

[dehanded]

IF YOU WANT ANSWERS ASK THE RED ARCHER

HE LIKES TO LECTURE

[ nevermind that red archer isn't here. ]

[ouzel]

I'm afraid I don't know who that is Iba.

[dehanded]

HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR YOU

NOW YOU MUST WALLOW IN YOUR IGNORANCE AND MISERY

[ouzel]

You do realize I make the food Jiji gives you?

[dehanded]

[ oh shit]

[dehanded]

I DO NOT CARE WHERE JIJI GETS HIS FOOD

YOU PRESUME THIS INFORMATION IS OF ANY IMPORTANCE TO ME AND YOU ARE WRONG

YOU ARE IRRELEVANT

[ouzel]

I don't think Jiji cooks, Iba.

I'm not saying that you have to answer my questions, no one is saying that.

[dehanded]

HE CAN GET FOOD OTHER WAYS

AND EVEN THEN I DO NOT CARE IF HE HAS FOOD OR NOT

SO ASK LESS QUESTIONS HUMAN

YOU TIRE ME

[ouzel]

I'm sure.

[dehanded]

[ SHES NOT TALKING TO YOU ANY MORE ]

[sirnyxalot]

I'm not getting food other ways.

[dehanded]

I DO NOT CARE

I DO NOT NEED YOU FOR FOOD

IT IS YOU WHO WANTS ME TO DO THINGS

[sirnyxalot]

So don't do them.

You have the freedom to say no.

[dehanded]

I WILL

[sirnyxalot]

Okay.

There's whiskey in the cabinet when you get bored.

[Nyx no.]

[dehanded]

I DO NOT WANT YOUR PITIFULLY WEAK HUMAN ALCOHOL

[ if there's no reply, its because she's on her way to his house to steal all his booze and maybe also whatever meat... is in the fridge. ]

[sirnyxalot]

[God, this child is endless amounts of headaches. Can he just fight a cerberus again? That was much preferable.

This is the beginning of him having to actually keep a healthily stocked kitchen, isn't it?]

[dehanded]

[ he won't actually know she's there until she's LITERALLY in the same room as him, because ibaraki's a little shit who snuck in through the second story window which was not unlocked she just... broke the lock, oops, and snuck downstairs... which leaves plenty of time for nyx to assume she actually meant it when she said she didnt want his liquor and get distracted. as it is, the pair of horns appear first, then followed by the rest of her, glaring at jiji.

NO WORDS, JUST MAKING A BEELINE FOR THAT LIQUOR CABINET ]

[sirnyxalot]

[He's not aware anything's amiss until a cold chill travels down his spine as the eyes of a vicious, tiny girl glare upon him.

It's too bad at this point in time he doesn't actually know he has magic otherwise he might have been more prepared for this. As it so happens he is just...not fast enough to prevent her from getting to the cabinet.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily? There's not exactly a good stock of booze to choose from. He's not exactly accustomed to a cabinet for fancy alcohol so his drink of choice is the cheap beer in the fridge. Of which he will not be informing her of.]

.........

I thought you didn't want anything from me?

[dehanded]

[ sorry, she's a little busy, rooting through the cabinet and looking for the whiskey... but not too busy to mutter under her breath like a displeased houseplant. ]

Thinking I will wait to be given things... that is not what oni do, oni take whatever they so wish to have... hmph...

[ having successfully found the bottle she twists the lid off in that weird way she handles everything when she wants to avoid getting her claws involved, and unceremoniously throws it at tosses it to nyx. then she slams the whole thing back in one go like a champ.

at least she doesnt smash the whole thing on the ground when she is done. ]

You should get sake instead, jiji.

[sirnyxalot]

[He moves aside to dodge the cap, turning to watch it bounce before resuming his bemused staring as she chugs the whiskey like water. Nyx raises an eyebrow, impressed, and quietly says a grateful thanks to the Six that he doesn't have an entire stock.

Trying to care for your oni is like having a hole in his wallet.]

I have no idea what sake is.

[He's going to regret this.]

[dehanded]

[ undeterred, ibaraki drops the now empty bottle back into the cabinet (because she is a slob) and instead hops up onto the back of the couch, putting her a little closer to eye level with nyx when she sits down, legs curled up against her chest. the effect is oddly childish, despite the conversation topic. ]

It is rice wine. Human alcohol does nothing for Servants, but the taste... mu. It is better, see?

[sirnyxalot]

[Recycle the damn bottle, Iba.

To his credit he doesn't lean away from her. He's comfortable and, really, is used to this level of her weirdness by now.]

Oh, I know rice wine. It's called something different- [Back home.] ...overseas. I could probably arrange that.

[dehanded]

[ no maybe she wants to live in her own garbage!!! MAYBE SHE WANTS YOU TO LIVE IN HER GARBAGE.

eyes emoji here tho ]

Oho! Jiji has his uses after all...! [ legit, she just clapped her hands a little bit. ]

But if it is poisoned, I will kill you, remember this. Humans do not have a good history of giving oni sake, and it is only because I have bestowed upon you the unholy blessing of my good graces that you may even try.

[ ............. WE WERE DOING SO GOOD, WITH NOT THREATENING TO KILL JIJI, IBA. YOU WERE DOING SO. GOOD. ]