pinesnet | Backdated: June 10th, 2:24am - A very drunk network post

Yeah! I had to. I mean-- okay, like... Rumlow THOUGHT I was an agent and the marriage was a cover and then I thought so, too, for like... half a second. But I'm not. I'm not like you. I'm not... capable or... super smart or-- ... I wanted you to believe in me.

[Drunk logic. She wanted him to trust her, so she lied to him. Brilliant, Kenz. Fucking genius plan right there.]

Call of Duty three and Robot Hooker Apocalypse mostly, but that's not important!

[He's laughing, but it's not reaching his eyes. It's not laughter-laughter. It's not like it was before, she fucked it up. Ugh. Nice fucking job, Kenz. As if you weren't a goddamn disaster before, getting so drunk you can barely walk, blabbing all over the network, dragging Matt into your emotional bullshit, and then you go and dump this on him! What the fuck kind of friendship is that? Who does that to people? Who treats people like that?

Apparently she does.]

Matt? Matt, I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry, okay?

[She struggles to sit up, pushing his shoulder so he rolls onto his back and she can hover above him-- okay, collapse onto his chest. Her hair is in the way, let her just push it behind one ear as the other side hangs like a curtain. Privacy.]

Don't hate me. I have skills! I could totally be an agent or something-- ... Wait. What do you mean 'the end of the world?'

[I'm not capable or super smart... I wanted you to believe in me.

The words hit Matt hard. He doesn't... Know what to say. He isn't Boss! He isn't someone who can grab someone up from the floor and raise them back up to the top. He isn't the person to yank anyone up from rock bottom. He doesn't know what to say. So he doesn't, which he knows is wrong, he knows it's absolutely the incorrect option, but there's not much else he can grasp at! If he opens his mouth, he risks saying something worse than nothing at all.

... That, of course, doesn't stop him from opening his mouth at all.]

You must've been really good at Call of Duty.

[It's another ring of hollow laughter, another weak smile. An attempt to make things normal, more than anything. Just a piece of something normal. Trying to pretend they weren't from different worlds, that he didn't pour some incredible things out to her, that he didn't slice himself open in front of her under the guise of her being trained!

She apologizes, and it's genuine, but it's got his throat choked up again. He doesn't know how to respond. Not like he's never been in weird situations before, not like people haven't lied or hurt or put him on the spot! But this is so different.

Kenzi is different. And even though he's still caught up in so many false memories and feelings, things that he has trouble pushing to the side even as she's pushing him to his back, he thinks he gets it.

She said it herself. She's alone.

And so is he.

And it's something he realized a long time ago, and it's something that comes to hang over him like a storm. There's comfort in the way Kenzi falls onto him, in the desperate way that she needs him and his approval.

His hand follows hers, brushing her hair away and cupping her cheek. To anyone watching, it'd look like an intimate moment.]

I don't hate you.

[The words are quiet, sincere.]

I meant it when I said I believed you. [He takes a deep breath.] You... Could have kept lying. [And he exhales.] But you didn't. You told the truth and that takes... A lot of... [A few words bounce around his head, and he tries to settle on the right one. He strokes her hair.] It takes a big person to do that.

[And just like that, he closes his eyes, takes another breath, and moves on.] I was abducted by aliens. Because we resisted, they destroyed the world. It was just the nine of us left, of all humanity, on a ship. [She opened up! It's only fair!]

[Normal isn't something Kenzi's sure they can get back to or not. She's been up front with him about how fucked up this situation is since day one. Okay, maybe not COMPLETELY up front considering.... the lies. But they've never feigned normalcy. They've never ignored the ever present danger they're in like she tried to do with Rumlow, and that somehow makes this connection more real than any of the others that started out with just playing along.

They've been in cahoots. In on this secret together the entire time. Colluding, plotting, playing at being able to do anything about this. The thing is... Matt might actually be able to do something about this. Kenzi might be able to help, if she wasn't drunk off her ass and mourning a fake marriage.

His words bring her out of her head, along with his touch. It's really sweet. It scares her. She stares down at him, not moving away, hanging on his every word as he strokes her hair.]

I'm a really good liar. It's one of many life skills you learn running cons and stealing other people's shit.

[You'd think a former gang leader would be a little better at it! Then again, he was usually behind a screen, apparently. Whatever. Doesn't matter. He doesn't hate her and he thinks she's a big person and he's touching her hair and she leans in closer, staring at his lips. She just really wants to--

Hold the fuck up.]

........................ Bullshit! Are you trying to get me back? Dude! At least my thing was believable! That's like a straight up Battlestar plot, I swear to frick!

[He's already admitted that he's impressed by it, that he fell for it. She really is good at what she does. It worries him that maybe there's more going on, that there may be more she's keeping hidden... But god, she's so drunk and emotional right now that she'd have to be the greatest spy in the world to keep it together now. As close as they are? He can smell it on her breath.

Especially when she leans in, so close he can almost taste-]

What - what?! It's true! Why would I lie about something like that! [Now he sounds genuinely upset. He pushes himself upright, just enough to glare at her.] Kenzi, I saw my planet destroyed!

To get even! [Or just to be an asshole, but Matt's actually... not an asshole. Ugh, now she's being glared at. She can't handle this right now. Glares are scary, go back to hair petting.

She frowns, barely moving when he moves just to be obstinate for the sake of-- ... Moving is hard, okay? She just wants to lay here.]

If your planet was blown up how are we on a planet right now? How am I not blown up? I'm pretty sure I'd remember an alien invasion. I mean-- ... the fae might have had some serious shit to say about that, so--

[Shit. Did she tell him about the fae? She's not supposed to tell anyone but Matt's her PARTNER and she has to-- ... goddamn. When the hell did she get so attached to this nerd?]

...........Do you think that's what this is? Aliens? With the trackers and the memory implants and the... stuff!?

I am getting even! By telling you the truth! [Ugh! Ugh! This is so difficult! He pulls her up so she can sit in his lap, rest her head against his shoulder. He wants to shake her, but he deals with just... Kind of cradling her instead.]

Because... I don't know. It could be a simulation. It could be an alternate universe. Another planet. There's a lot of potential explanations.

[Fae? That peaks Matt's curiosity. She did say there were strange things where she was from - Was that it? Will she even talk about it? She moved on really quickly.]

All I can tell you is what I know. I know what happened to me, and I know that I have... This. [Matt reaches behind him, into his pants. Don't freak out Kenzi, it's just a gun.

...

Okay, actually, that's probably worth freaking out over. Especially since it doesn't look like a real gun, and the sights glow brightly. The air around it is warm.]

It's one of the alien guns. The Zin. They put us in simulations, made us live our worst fears to try and break us. So maybe this is a little familiar, for my tastes.

Edited 2017-06-24 00:26 (UTC)

[Thank you for not shaking her, Matt, she probably would have puked or something. This is much more preferable than shaken Kenzi syndrome. He's pretty comfy for a skinny kid. She doesn't miss Rumlow's huge, super ripped, beefy arms at all.

Nope. Nooooot at all.]

If it was a simulation, I wouldn't be drunk. And your leg wouldn't hurt so bad.

[Unless it was totally like the Matrix and it was such a GOOD simulation that you don't even KNOW! Fuck. Oh no. Okay, that's too intense to think about right now. No thank you. She curls up a little more, fingers finding the fabric of Matt's shirt and clinging as if it will ground her spinning brain.

... And then he pulls out a fucking GUN! Holy SHIT!]

HOLY SHIT, DUDE!

[See? It's shoking. It's insane. She barely hears the explanation and the super heavy stuff Matt's talking about with Invader Zim or whatever the hell because she's grabbing that gun off him, turning it towards the nearest object, pulling the damn trigger and---

.................... there goes the mailbox.]

Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. That. Was. AMAZING!

Actually -

[Well. He's about to explain that yes, it was some Matrix shit where you couldn't figure out if it was real or not, and that was kind of the whole point of the simulation! Except, he supposes, his, which was a lot more cerebral but that's all sort of a moot point because she just yanks the gun away from him and starts shooting shit.]

What the fuck!

[His heart pounds hard in his chest as she just lasers the fuck out of a fucking mailbox!

And he wraps an arm around around her shoulder and grabs her wrists with the other one, trying to tug her back against him and stop her from shooting something else!]

Jesus Christ! It's three in the bloody morning, Kenzi! You can't just shoot whatever you want!

[...] ... Were you aiming for that?

[That mailbox had it coming! She's laughing-- giggling, actually, when Matt pulls her back and ends her shooting spree against postal receptacles. Genuine laughter, unadulterated joy! It's the first time she's laughed like this in... three days? Maybe four?

It reminds her of home.

Kenzi looks up at Matt, dreamily, still snickering but offering him the gun. She's apparently finished with it. Matt's hilarious. He's concerned and he freaks out about stuff and he's so awkward and weird and she likes him.]

I can and I did. And I was. Told you, dude. Video games DO have real world applications or whatever. You should see me with a crossbow! Oh, I have a crossbow. And a sword. And ninja stars. OH! And Bo has a FLAIL?! Like... the spiky ball on a chain? I can't even LIFT it!

[Matt is giving off serious terrified rabbit vibes right now. Kenzi casually puts a hand over his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart.] ...Are you okay?

[He very quickly takes the gun back and puts it behind the both of them. Hopefully out of reach of her, if nothing else. She does not need to be fucking around with it right now! Now with how drunk she is! Even if it's making her... Happy? She's actually laughing. Maybe he should let her shoot more things...]

Preaching to the choir. [Seriously. If anyone knows about the real world application of video games... Wait, what?] Slow down. I knew about the sword but - Did you come from some kind of fucked medieval fantasy? Why did you have all this! [Not going to mention that he had a sword, too. Hypocrite.

... His heartbeat ramps up when she places her hand to his chest. He stares at her hand, and then back at her.] I... I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting a shoot out, is all.

[She shrugs. Honestly, there really isn't a logical explanation for having a fuckton of medival, dark ages weaponry lying around the house.]

Fae don't like guns? Which is stupid. Because. Guns kill people. I mean I guess it won't kill most fae, but it will really fuck them up? I kinda always just figured Bo had like... the Batman stance on using guns but not because of her tragic backstory being her parents got shot at the opera, more that it's really hard to get a gun in Canada when you have a million fake names and are secretly a succubus with a rap sheet.

[Matt, that is concerning. Are you having a heart attack? Kenzi is concerned. Look at the concern on her face.] It wasn't a shootout. The mailbox was unarmed.

[Okay. Again. Slow down.

Matt places his hand over Kenzi's.]

Tell me about the fae.

[Oh. Oh, that's his hand again. It slows her down a lot and she's left looking up into those insanely blue eyes of his again. He's so ....... BRITISH!!]

I guess they're like... the opposite of aliens if you think about it. Like super ancient, been on this planet forever, secretly feeding off humans and keeping them as pets and being giant assholes! Okay, there's some similarities probably, but they were here before we were. On Earth. Think of basically any myth... and it's probably some type of fae.

[Sorry, Kenzi. He's squeezing her hand and staring back, hanging on every word. This may be the only time he gets her to open up about this! It's fascinating.]

Holy shit. So the fables and the myths were just... True? [He sounds genuinely excited about it!] You said your friend was a succubus - As in... She... [He nods his head rapidly, trying to coax it out of Kenzi.] Oh my god, did she ever... With you...

Yeah! Yeah, a bunch of 'em! Or they got the gist or--

[See, Matt... She was excited, too. For like. Half a second. Right up until you tried to dance around the obvious inner workings of being a succubus and then INSINUATED that Kenzi's BEST FRIEND who is basically her sister, a woman that took her in out of the goodness of her heart, literally saved her life from a creepy dude in an elevator, and let her squat in a condemned crackshack with her for years WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER!

Kenzi frowns, pulling away from Matt and giving him a disgusted look.]

No, you perv! First of all, I'm not into chicks, and even if I was? She's my best friend. And even if she wasn't, that's none of your business so getcho mind out the gutter, you giant GROSS! Her ... special diet is basically also her sex life which is legit none of your concern!

[Matt, you were so close.]

[Oh.

Oh, oh no. Oooooh no. That's not good. He definitely uh... Fucked that one up.

Kenzi pulls away and Matt cringes. He reaches an arm after her, but doesn't grab or yank - Just extends.]

Fuck - I'm sorry. It just... It just came out! [He was curious! He didn't mean...] I knew twins who ran a prostitution ring. [... It just comes out.] It was... A really serious business, they were incredibly good at it. [A beat.] One of the last people left alive? She was a dominatrix. Not by... She was in the FBI, she just moonlighted as a domme, but... She was really into it.

[It's like some weird attempt at appeasement. Some weird rationale, a logic of 'well, you knew a succubus and that must have been weird, so let me extend and try to relate' There's not a lot of thought behind it. None, actually, but he's confused and honesty has gotten both of them the farthest so far so pouring out like this is worth a try.]

[Wow. He is just... really bad at interactions in general. He wasn't actively trying to be pervy, he's just terrible at seeming legit? At least, that's what her drunk brain is trying to explain to her.

She still wants to be mad, but his arm is still reaching and she is still sitting up and away and would very much like to be close and laying against him again. Not for any particular reason other than it's comfortable and warm and she's emotionally exhausted. She's still glaring. Tentatively, she leans closer, glares some more, and then finally goes back to leaning against him.]

You know neither of those things are relevant to succubi, right? It's way more complicated. Bo's like... normal. She's this normal weirdo that is so good and doesn't let people fuck with her and doesn't choose sides and she stands up for people that can't defend themselves and she's... my hero. Her kinky bedroom adventures are just a thing that happens. She's... she's so much more than that.

I miss her so much...

[Ding ding ding! He's just... Really bad at human interaction.

He relaxes as she comes back. Did he do something right? Or is this just pity? There's always such a fine line... But either way, Matt accepts it, gently wrapping his arms around her shoulders again.]

I just... I dunno, thought it'd be relateable. [But now he seems embarrassed. Stupid. But... He listens. He shuts up and he listens to Kenzi. And he realizes what she's lost, and his hands drift around her, one down to rub her shoulders and one up, to stroke her hair. It actually hits him hard - He actually... Gets it, now.]

I'm sorry, Kenzi. [It's not much, but it's all he can muster... And it's genuine. Maybe because he understands.] Being alone here is... [He stops for a moment, loosening his hold on her and just exhaling.] It's hard.

Yeah. It sucks.

[Losing Bo hadn't hit her that hard because she'd still had Rumlow. Then she'd had Jefferson. She still has Jefferson, but who the fuck knows where he is right now and Eliot can't deal with all her bullshit on his own, he's just as broken inside and doing the best he can. Then there's Bucky who tries but also has his own shit. Peter, way too young to be here. She has all of them, but when it comes down to it, she doesn't really have any of them.

Does Matt have anyone? She never sees him being social on his own. He talks about losing an entire PLANET and doesn't even try to reach out-- ... except with her. Literally. And he can't even talk to her because she's shitfaced and loudly whining about her own stupid problems.

Maybe it's the way he strokes her hair, or maybe it's just the fact that she's starting to realize Matt isn't as okay as he seems. The reason why doesn't matter as much as the fact that she's tilting her head up to look at him again. Really look at him.

And then she kisses him.]

[Drunk as she is, she's right. Matt doesn't really have anyone except for her... Which makes the next part of this incredibly difficult. Matt's hit with conflicting feelings the second her lips meet his.

In an instant, he knows it's what he's been wanting for far too long. His chest and belly swell with butterflies, his fingers catching in her hair. There's so much of him that wants to hold onto this moment forever and to never let go. In so many ways it's a huge relief, knowing that there's a part of her that does feel this way for him. That he's not just imagining it, not just prying it apart between the lines because he's so desperate for it or because some horrible false memories are plaguing his thoughts.

Another thought creeps into his mind as he holds her, as he returns the kiss so carefully. Something that has him pull away just enough to break contact, enough to make room to breathe.]

We can't - Not... Not like this.

[She's not in her right mind. She wanted him over for... Help? Not for this. It'd be taking advantage of her, and while he really - Fuck, he really wants to hold her and kiss her and touch her, it wouldn't be right. Not like this. Not right after she was decrying men just a few minutes ago! Not when she was just pouring her heart out about her fucking ex! Murdering people! Fuck. He can't... Make out with her on the lawn after she's admitted she's terrified of her fake ex husband hunting her down or something.

He couldn't ask to paint a bigger target onto the both of them.]

Backdated: June 10th, 2:24am - A very drunk network post

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