Backdated: June 10th, 2:24am - A very drunk network post

[onteamdyson]

yOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS? like. i mean. okay that waS a f engeral. question. don't like.
f you if you say vaccuums liMke some kIND o f smrtaASS. im gonna tell you. So listen the fridge up!

men. men suck. all men. zero exceptions.

they are LYING LIARS that LIE? and you trust them an D THEY JUST>? they just leave? and they breaK YOUR entiRe hearT?!?! and the Y aRENT EVen worth SHIT! ok? they warent worth SHIP! so like. dont even lose spilled milk over them and

stfuff.

becAuse even when you

if you donT even fall for them but you just need them? they arent there! you'R e just on y o ur own! so dont even trust anyone!

Comments

un: kingshit

[sybaritic]

preach on, sista

[ is eliot a] a man and b] currently into a man he's enjoying extending even the smallest modicum of trust to? yes, both of those are true, what is your point ]

un: mr.rogers

[paragon]

Do you need someplace?

UN: junglejeevesisdead

[onteamdyson]

ELIOT GET OUT OF MY THREAD WITH YOUR GOOGOO HEART EYES AND ENCHANTED BONERS ALL THE TIME

can you bring me another drink pls?

UN: junglejeevesisdead

[onteamdyson]

i need a tim machine

timE mache

...

timemachine

[paragon]

We could all do a lot with one of those.

[sybaritic]

ohh, honey. i've got stories about trusting men that would make your eyelashes uncurl. let's sit a spell and i'll tell you all about them.

it. them. one in particular. for that we're going to need F A R more than one drink.

[onteamdyson]

do u know an Y good divorce lawyers?

[onteamdyson]

did somebody hurt you, eliot? because i will rip off their face ands hove it in a hol e in the ground and then find lunch meat that has gone all grody in teh Back of a fridge and plaSte e r it o bver their facelessface and thats their new face and tehn break their legs probly?

idk im to o wasted to pl;lot murderrevernge

i n ee d a nmae!

[paragon]

Just got a mean right hook.

[ Oh boy does he ever. ]

You okay?

un: all

[beallandendall]

I would take exception with those accusation, but I really don't care. However, if you need a place to lay face down for a few hours, you can have my tree house.

[sybaritic]

i'm oddly touched by this ...oddly specific revenge cocktail, pixiepants.

[ please hold a moment, he's going to come do a shot with her and then meander off hm. ]

un: tink

[trybelieving]

You're not entirely on your own. There are a number of us who'd help you if you needed it.

Do you need it?

[onteamdyson]

pETEIM not gonna sleep in a tree house and ur not even a man ur my cousin

... can u see the stars?

[beallandendall]

That pesky X-Y combination unfortunately makes me a man. And who said anything about sleeping there?

I can get you to see the stars from the roof of it. Besides, if it hurts that much, I think I can help you.

[onteamdyson]

I'lll take it

[Though she's a little too sad and too torn up inside to even want to solve this with violence. That's how you KNOW it was bad.]

Yeah im fine.

[No she's not. Far from it, actually.]

dont gotta worry about me steove. im tough as allhell

[onteamdyson]

apparently you cant be a man until you read from a torah and get a billion presents and say lahayeem OR

yo u pop ur cheerry.

....omg pETER HAVE YOU PECKED A PICKLEDPEPPER BECAUSE I AM NOT READY FOR THIS YOU NMEED TO KEEP THAT SHIT WRAPPED AND PROTECET URSELF AND DOES UR DAD KNO W? IM CALLMING HIM RN

wait. wait what. how. im helping. im helped. i have


twequilas.

UN: junglejeevesisdead

[onteamdyson]

You know who is my enumber one helper right now?
this. glass. this. eliot ownt give me the bottle but i mean the drinks keep showing up so its the saem?

ilike your username :)))) <3 :5

[beallandendall]

I've shared a few thimbles here and there behind the school or a tree, but I'm a good boy. I'm still vacuum-package sealed with a best before date, so you don't have to worry about cherry bombs.

If you call pa, I'll call Bucky.

You are drowning the problem. You aren't numbing it to bearable.

[onteamdyson]

ohgood. thankgod. holyshit i cdont think im ready for the talk or whatever thimbling is.

YOU XCANT CALL BUCKY? HES NOT MY MOM? also like he even gives a shit probably too busy being a giant idiot to even have ti me to an SWER THE Fpne. phon

phone

drwoning is fine people do it all the time. wahT DO YOU KNOW? YOU'RE 12?!

un: b.barnes

[zymasoldat]

Is this Kenzi?

[beallandendall]

You know we get sexual education classes, right? There's a banana and everything.

Where are you anyway? Are you stumbling around in the streets?

I'm sixteen, and I know more than people give me credit for. I can help, but you have to take me up on the offer.

UN: junglejeevesisdead

[onteamdyson]

no its ur conscience

get a haircut

[trybelieving]

I'm glad something comforts you, though I fear you might regret it in the morning.

Thank you, it's a nickname.

[onteamdyson]

bananas are falsee adavertising and only lead to disappointing first times

IM AT. home. my. not my home but nw home. new. the

eliotshouse

[Shit. He DOES sound like her. Almost exactly like her. Always watching, never watched. Constantly observing and sticking to the shadows.]

yo u really wanna hang with your drunkdisaster cousin ievne tho im like hella older than you but you realise that juist makes me cooler and more awesome?

[zymasoldat]

Okay, between that and the "giant idiot"...

What did I do?