message board post - un: switchitonanov

[fe_male]

call out post: my gf wont let me eat dinner until i go back out and buy her exactly half a pickle

y is this happening

Comments

[bearswitness]

Thanks but I really don't think anyone here asked about your private intimacies, if you could just keep those to yourself it would be great.

[fe_male]

wow what is it like living in ur head

[bearswitness]

Bewildering and full of holes thanks for asking.

[fe_male]

[ well he wasn't planning on going in this direction but why not ]

wait
holes??

[bearswitness]

Oh don't pretend to be concerned go find your half of a pickle. The gf is waiting.


[ wtf is a gf ]

[fe_male]

that wasnt concern that was intellectual curiosity
not rly opposites but not usu found occupying the same moment

do u kno anyone who sells half pickles

[bearswitness]

Well that's more realistic at least but nonetheless I'll be keeping any holes to myself because I'm shy like that.

Yes as a matter of fact I do.

[fe_male]

dont worry about ur holes im only getting half a pickle
its not rly good 4 anything anyway
aside from keeping me away from my dinner rn

who

[bearswitness]

It's good to see you keep things reasonable. And it's me I sell half pickles.

[fe_male]

y r u dragging this out like this you totally could have just said that at the beginning

where do u sell ur pickles
i need one

un: v.potts

[ceoinstilettos]

I feel as though I need to clarify,
It's not a euphemism for... [ nope, can't do it. ] for anything.

[ let's please not talk about tony and his pickle. ]

[bearswitness]

[ correction: tony and his half-pickle. ]

Are you the gf?

[ceoinstilettos]

[ don't remind her. ]

That would be me.

[bearswitness]

There's a saying about things denied. Just accept that this creature of yours has no sense of decorum and take any repercussions gracefully.

[ceoinstilettos]

I accepted that a long time ago, [ if she hadn't, then she would never have been able to work with him. ] but that doesn't mean I can't cover my bases and make sure what's being said isn't being taken out of context. [ look, she didn't know tony was going to post this on the message board and his comment threw her for a loop. granted, it's one she should have expected, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing. ]

[bearswitness]

See look at you you're denying. What did I just write, did you see it. Do you want me to give you the whole saying.

[ceoinstilettos]

He lacks tact, I know, but I'm not the one making assumptions about the pickle.

[fe_male]

what would it b a euphemism for anyway
finding u the shortest male hooker i can?

[ceoinstilettos]

[ a message board is the last place she's going to answer that question. she is not going to be remembered as the girl craving her boyfriend's pint sized pickle. ]

That's oddly specific.
Also no.

[fe_male]

[ why does he have the tiny pickle - surely if he's having to go procure one then it's not already possessed by anyone at play ]

well its a weird euphemism
weirder there tends to be more oddly specific

also someone in town actually sells pickle fractions

[ceoinstilettos]

[ she can't believe she's having this conversation right now. oh, so now she's just someone that craves pickles of any kind. fantastic. that's, like, infinitely worse. pinching the bridge of her nose she blows out a sigh. mr. ' private intimicates ' is to blame for all of this. what was once a harmless request is... well, it's still a harmless request, but she can't help but wonder how many other people are thinking it to be something else. ]

I somehow doubt that. How about just going back to the deli instead of some shady pickle salesman?

[fe_male]

[ see, tony didn't even start this. well he didn't start the part of it you're objecting to, at least. honestly he thought the whole thing was hilarious - why else would he have put it on the message board? it's a pickle, it was never supposed to become one. ]

bc now i need 2 meet the farmer willing to sell me half a pickle

[ceoinstilettos]

[ he did and he didn't. and, ok, she'll admit it was a little funny. by no means hilarious though. it's the internet, tony, of course it was going to become one. it was just a matter of time and it took, what, half a second? ]

Just make sure you come back with both of your kidneys.

[fe_male]

[ in terms of innuendo, 'my gf wants me to come back home with half a pickle' doesn't really sound that appealing, or interesting. it didn't really come to mind when he decided to share their little spat here.

also pls there are so many things that could be better. nobody's made a single chicago style hot dog joke ]

ive managed it this long
i will b back soon w both kidneys AND ur brined cucumber

[ceoinstilettos]

[ no, but, again, this is the internet and there's always going to be that one person. it's not his fault though. it's more or less her own for making such a silly, yes silly, request demand. ]

[ to be honest she's surprised no one's gone with the obvious jerkin' the gherkin. ]

Instead of soon,
how about you just come home now?
Forget the pickle.