Backdated: June 10th, 2:24am - A very drunk network post

[onteamdyson]

yOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS? like. i mean. okay that waS a f engeral. question. don't like.
f you if you say vaccuums liMke some kIND o f smrtaASS. im gonna tell you. So listen the fridge up!

men. men suck. all men. zero exceptions.

they are LYING LIARS that LIE? and you trust them an D THEY JUST>? they just leave? and they breaK YOUR entiRe hearT?!?! and the Y aRENT EVen worth SHIT! ok? they warent worth SHIP! so like. dont even lose spilled milk over them and

stfuff.

becAuse even when you

if you donT even fall for them but you just need them? they arent there! you'R e just on y o ur own! so dont even trust anyone!

Comments

un: all

[beallandendall]

I would take exception with those accusation, but I really don't care. However, if you need a place to lay face down for a few hours, you can have my tree house.

[onteamdyson]

pETEIM not gonna sleep in a tree house and ur not even a man ur my cousin

... can u see the stars?

[beallandendall]

That pesky X-Y combination unfortunately makes me a man. And who said anything about sleeping there?

I can get you to see the stars from the roof of it. Besides, if it hurts that much, I think I can help you.

[onteamdyson]

apparently you cant be a man until you read from a torah and get a billion presents and say lahayeem OR

yo u pop ur cheerry.

....omg pETER HAVE YOU PECKED A PICKLEDPEPPER BECAUSE I AM NOT READY FOR THIS YOU NMEED TO KEEP THAT SHIT WRAPPED AND PROTECET URSELF AND DOES UR DAD KNO W? IM CALLMING HIM RN

wait. wait what. how. im helping. im helped. i have


twequilas.

[beallandendall]

I've shared a few thimbles here and there behind the school or a tree, but I'm a good boy. I'm still vacuum-package sealed with a best before date, so you don't have to worry about cherry bombs.

If you call pa, I'll call Bucky.

You are drowning the problem. You aren't numbing it to bearable.

[onteamdyson]

ohgood. thankgod. holyshit i cdont think im ready for the talk or whatever thimbling is.

YOU XCANT CALL BUCKY? HES NOT MY MOM? also like he even gives a shit probably too busy being a giant idiot to even have ti me to an SWER THE Fpne. phon

phone

drwoning is fine people do it all the time. wahT DO YOU KNOW? YOU'RE 12?!

[beallandendall]

You know we get sexual education classes, right? There's a banana and everything.

Where are you anyway? Are you stumbling around in the streets?

I'm sixteen, and I know more than people give me credit for. I can help, but you have to take me up on the offer.

[onteamdyson]

bananas are falsee adavertising and only lead to disappointing first times

IM AT. home. my. not my home but nw home. new. the

eliotshouse

[Shit. He DOES sound like her. Almost exactly like her. Always watching, never watched. Constantly observing and sticking to the shadows.]

yo u really wanna hang with your drunkdisaster cousin ievne tho im like hella older than you but you realise that juist makes me cooler and more awesome?

[beallandendall]

Oh, which fruit would you recommend using then? I can put in a comment in the recommendation box for next semester.

Ah. Him. Yes, I know where you are. I think even I could provide better accommodation.

I don't mind holding your hair out of the way when you hit the point of puking in the toilet tonight. I'll bring something I think you'll like to hear as well.

[onteamdyson]

plantains
kumquaat
ffff kum. quat.
jalepneon peppers

but i live here? i dont wan na flaceplant on your treehouse

awwwwwwwwwwwwwh THATS REALLY SWEET THO? ur a sweet kid. ive fakeraised you well

imean. becaseru.

nevermind. listen. look. Pete its like. beyond past ur bedtimes tho

[beallandendall]

There are other places then. Why would you want to stay with the moon-eyed people? Won't they just remind you of your pain?

What does 'fakeraised' me mean?

I do what I want. If you don't want my help, fine. Here I actually liked you.

[sybaritic]

soooooooo

have to ask

are you ticking off every single item in the 'Hi, I'M An Emotional Abuser, Ask Me How!' column on purpose? just to see if you can nail them all in one shitteous fell swoop

because if so youre doing great.

[beallandendall]

Sooooo

have to ask

do you purposefully make it a habit to interrupt conversations of mine or is it just your thing? Like a weird stalker?

[sybaritic]

well, sugarplum

you keep fucking with my friends. plus you're a pale creepy british child, and in my experience exactly one hundred percent of those are evil. but mostly it's the fucking with my friends thing that really has my pantiea in an interrupty twist.

[beallandendall]

How is having a conversation 'fucking' with anyone? I ask questions and they are under no obligation to answer.

Also, good job lumping all British children into one heaping pile of dysfunction. Did you get picked on when you were little by one?

[sybaritic]

kiddo, i think you're a lot of things - garden variety sociopath is tippety top of the list - but "shit for brains" ain't one of em. so what if i didn't insult either of us by entertaining the the idea that you're not crystal fucking clear on exactly what you're doing.

that was mostly flippancy. but you've really got me thinking i'm batting a thousand there.

[beallandendall]

That's not a nice thing to say to someone. I'm doing no more nor no less than trying to get to know people in this here quaint little town. Your personal vendetta should probably find a new target.

Are you often flippant and over the top or do I get special treatment all around?

[sybaritic]

yeah, what you got goin for you right now is 1. putting the idea in kenzi's head that being around people who care about her is going to make her feel worse, and 2. that you'll like her less if she doesn't do what you want. people in manipulative as all fuck houses shouldn't throw "eliot you're meeeean" stones.

flippancy is the teat on which i was weaned, but trust me, this is nowhere near over the top. special treatment is not on today's menu. for that you'd have to be extraordinary in any possible way, and you are a dime a dozen shitty omen remake.

[beallandendall]

Wrong on one and fibrillating on two. I can't imagine how being around two people who look at each other the way Airplane does helps her feelings. She seems better off away from that.

Oh golly-gee, stabbed with words. Whatever will I do?

[onteamdyson]

well yeah but also they are like two trees and i can put a hammock on them and sleep and be safe and nothing bad can happen except for all the bad shit that happens all the time in this fucked up alien zoo of a town

nothing im xdrunk

P no excuse u, liking your fam isnt conditional on them doing what you want them to do unless they do somethjing that hurts you or makes you upset or unsafe. you can't just instantly stop liking someone because of o n e drunktextmessage thats idiottalk and you KNOW BETTER!

bu t we can hang out. tomorrow. and u can tlel me what you meapn by helping

[beallandendall]

Alien zoo of a town? Are you quite alright? First the fakeraised bit and now this?

It depends on the message actually. Drunk people can say some very mean things, which is probably closer to the truth than they would normally otherwise allow themselves.

Do as you like. I know I do.

[onteamdyson]

pete. peter. peteunia. small tiny child love of my life as of whenever i found out you were even in existence. i am... 1000000% fine as a cucumber. and probably crazy so don't even trust my mouthwords.

handwords. fingerwords. typed. this. these things.

also sINCE WHEN DO YOU LIVE WITH MATT? IS THAT LEGAL?

[beallandendall]

If you were fine, you wouldn't be admitting in other threads that you weren't fine nor would you be making this post to begin with. I'll take your point though.

How is it not legal?

[onteamdyson]

s T OP READING THE OTHER THREADS, P
why cant you be a typica l dumb teenager instea d of a super genius sleuth like me.
ugh.

idk ur a minor. and he's a random nerd. and ultra british. oooooh thats probably the reason

[beallandendall]

Because that would be boring and predictable. I hate both of those things.

Apparently we British need to stick together. Birds of a feather and all of that. Plus, he can easily be convinced to do things with me.