pinesnet | Backdated: June 10th, 2:24am - A very drunk network post

[There's about a half a second where he freezes up at her arm, but... It's a small touch, and she's drunk, and he's supposed to be here for her, so he relaxes and returns it with an arm around her shoulders. Easy. Calm.]

It's... You're probably not going to drink if I tell you the truth. [But he's probably just given it away.] It's some water and a few sodas. I think I grabbed a mountain dew and a root beer.

[Speaking of, he unbundles them from the towel and sets them out. Takes a root beer and opens it.]

It's not bad! Healed up for the most part. Still a little red, but you can barely tell I did anything, unless you knew what to look for.

[You'd think Matt would have more experience with drunk girls hanging off of him-- no. Wait. This is Matt Miller. Of course he doesn't.

Whatevs. She sinks into him, completely oblivious of his inner conflict and deeply steeped in self pity, alcoholism, and a tiny bit of heartache.]

... You brought me water? [That right there? That was hope. Something she thought was extinguished by now. She doesn't pull away, but she does look up at him.]

You just need my... amazing expert ninja skills to get to the bottom of this place. If I'm hella smashed I can't make sure you don't slice yourself up again like an idiot, Matt, you're kind of an idiot. That was such a stupid thing. I was so scared...

It. It wasn't because of you, you know. The... we didn't fight because of you.

[Hey, come on. He's got experience! Granted, it's usually in the context of a rave and far, far less complicated than this, but he knows about having inebriated people around. He knows about being that needy, clingy person sometimes! It's just... Not usually this isolated and weird.]

I... I did. [He looks down at her with a small, awkward smile... And because he can't have anything good without ruining it;] You're right, I can't have my only partner turning herself into a shriveled preserve. [He jostles her, gently. Teasing.] It was scary, but it worked. And now I don't have to worry about it, anymore. And neither do you, I'm fine.

[It takes him a minute to really... Process what she's said. It wasn't because of him.

Her green card marriage.] Kenzi, I didn't think... [Is that what this is all about? He actually... Actually looks at her. Properly. For the first time in a while, he looks at her, all of her and... She hasn't got her ring on, has she?]

What happened?

[Ffffffffff, she actually laughs at the teasing. The fact that he called her his partner sends a sharp, stab of pain through her heart, though. All she does is lie to people and tries to justify it by saying it's to protect them. Usually it's to protect herself.

She looks distant suddenly. Zones out. She's thinking. No, she doesn't have her ring on. She's got bags under her eyes and they're red-rimmed and puffy. She looks like she's stopped taking care of herself. If it weren't for Jeff and Eliot, she'd probably be passed out in an alley somewhere.

With slow, unsteady movements, she uncurls herself from Matt and flails an arm out until she grabs the towel. She twists around until she can grab a water in her other hand and lurches forward, rocking to her feet to drag both items to the lawn. Her steps are wobbly and uneven, but she manages to throw the towel down... in a clump. Wow. That wasn't very effective. Maybe if she nudges it with her foot-- nope. Okay, this is hard.

She turns around to pathetically pout at Matt until he comes to arrange the towel properly so they can lay down and look up at the stars.]

I'll tell you if you fix this.

[She's distant. Quiet. It's not... Kenzi. It's not Kenzi that he's talking to, that he's looking at right now. He's not sure who or what it is, but it's not the bright, lively, spunky woman he... Sort of knew. That he liked to think he's gotten to know! No, the woman sitting outside with him was... Dark. Depressing. Tired. Hurt.

He watches her wobble around silently, desperate to ask a thousand questions but never quite forming them. Eventually he just gathers the rest of the things and stands up to stare at her, asking the most pertinent of all, "What are you doing?" with his expression, until she finally says something.]

... I think I can accept that deal.

[He smiles and makes his way across the lawn, placing his things back down before picking the towel up and fanning it out.]

So, ladies first? [Like he's being clever, he extends an arm and an invitation onto the towel.]

[She hasn't felt like herself in a long time. It's like there's a huge part of her missing. There is a huge part of her missing. Without Bo, she's lost. She keeps giving away the remaining pieces of herself and soon there won't be anything left.

But then there's Matt. And he doesn't ask her for a damn thing. He doesn't drain her or want anything from her, he's just... there for her. Partners.

Kenzi takes his outstretched arm and promptly faceplants into the towel-- nope! So close. Matt's arm saves her face from certain doom, but it might not save him from getting pulled down onto the towel with her. She's laughing, at least. It's muted, less vibrant than her usual laugh, but it's there.]

So, um...

[Where does she start? How does she start? She curls up, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.]

That night after I left your place, after I patched up your leg, I got home and he was waiting. Wouldn't leave me alone...

I snapped. I had... intel on him. Stuff he played like he didn't remember, but he knew all along. Rumlow wasn't one of the good guys like I thought he was.

[He does his best to hold her up and keep from tumbling, himself, but... Well, it's a surprise, and he ends up managing a controlled fall onto the towel next to her. Were she not laughing, he'd be worried. As it stands, he's quiet for a shocked second before he joins her, soft at first and then bubbling up and out as he helps lift her up.

Matt's hands find their way around her arms, around her shoulders. Bracing her. Helping to hold her up. His eyes find hers. He just wants to make sure he's getting everything, paying attention.]

Waiting for you? What, like the bloody Inquisition?

[That's not the important part. The bit about intel... That's a bit more... Well, it's got Matt's attention.]

What did he do, Kenzi?

[She huffs a laugh, almost snorts.] Nobody expects the inquisition.

[It wasn't malicious. It didn't start maliciously. He was worried about her. She'd been distant... she was trying to hold all this conflicting information at once. Things other people had told her about Brock vs the man she knew... ]

He... tried to kill a lot of innocent people. He did kill innocent people. There-- ... it was a double cross. Like a coup. There was another agency in the agency and they turned on them. He was part of that. Pretending to be the good guy and playing everyone all along. Playing me...

[She shrugs her shoulders, smiling sadly, looking up at the sky.]

I wanted to believe the lie. I thought... I mean I could have loved him? But I couldn't forgive him or excuse what he did. He keeps preaching loyalty when the only person he's loyal to here is himself. Steve, Nat-- ... he turned on them. Tried to take them out. He... HYDRA, fucked with my cousin. I know he's not really my cousin, but he's all I got, you know? I don't have Bo or Trick or Dyson, I just have Bucky. And Jeff and Eliot. And... you.

[God, he wishes he could just keep up with the joke. With the laugh, no matter how small it is. He really wishes he could just hold on to that, and that they could just go from there instead of... Where it does go.

She just kind of pours it all out and he has to... Handle it. Matt has to handle this sudden influx of terrifying information from this tiny drunk woman and even though they're both agents, it takes him a second to really... Soak it in and start dealing with it.]

Did he do anything here? [It's a small, stupid point, but it's going somewhere.] He doesn't - Have allies here, right? You do. Your cousin, your friends, we - [Wait.] They do. Even if it's not people from home...

[Matt shifts, rolling on his hip so he can turn and face her, block her view of the sky so he can look her in the eyes.]

Sometimes you get trapped with people, and they aren't always your first choice, or even... Necessarily people you'd trust to stare the end of the world down with, people you hardly know, but in the end it turns out there's no one else you'd rather be with.

[He reaches out to grab Kenzi's hand] And those people... Are the ones who'll save you, and keep you alive, and safe from the ones like Killbane. [He stiffens.] Or Rumlow. Or... Whoever.

[She shakes her head, making herself dizzy with the force of it.] No, no no no. Not that I know of. And like-- I would know. I mean... probably. I'd probably know. But I didn't know about the other shit? Shit...

[He didn't do anything as far as she knows. And he didn't have allies as far as she knows, either. If he did, he likely wouldn't have been so docile where Steve was concerned.

Kenzi frowns. Not because she's worried about Rumlow's allies, but because Matt changed that 'we' to 'they.' She's still frowning when he turns on his side and she shifts, too, propping her head up with her hand, elbow on the towel.]

I get that. I kinda know that feeling.

[Oh. Oh no. He has her hand. She stares at it, frozen, like any sudden movements will make him take his hand back. His fingers are much longer than hers, but their manicures match. Glossy, black nails against pale skin. Still staring at their hands, she experimentally wiggles her fingers until they're intertwined with Matt's.]

Who's Killbane? Sounds like he's overcompensating with a name that stupid.

[Her eyes finally flick back up to meet his gaze, and she's caught off guard. She's already thrown off by the amount of alcohol in her system, but something about What Matt's saying and how he's being honest and they're laying here outside under the stars makes her want to just bLURT OUT--]

I'm not actually a secret agent. I'm not even licensed to own a gun! I stole it from Hale when he wasn't paying attention to his holster. All my weaponry skills come from youtube and video games! I'm ... just a thief. I'm a thief.

[He quickly places a hand to her head, just to keep her head from rattling loose. Just a small touch, something to ground her.] He's isolated. He's trapped just like the rest of us. We can keep an eye on him, easy. [And just like that, his hand is away from her face, and in hers.

He won't say it, but her fingers in his reassures him, too. There's a distant comfort that he's been longing for. His heart skips a beat as his eyes dart between their entwined fingers and Kenzi's face, trying to figure out what she's thinking.

Until she looks back at him. Until she says that name. Then everything nice about the moment disappears in a knot in his throat and there's nothing Matt can say. He wants to believe he's put it behind him, that's he's dealt with it, but fuck. This sure as hell isn't the time or the place for that kind of baggage and he's actually sort of relieved when Kenzi's the one to change the subject so immediately.]

You... [Give him a second to process all that.] You lied about being an agent? [Matt stares down at her. Like, really stares, his mouth a little agape, eyebrows raised, in genuine shock.] I... Kenzi, I actually believed you. [But he doesn't sound mad.]

I don't know if I should be upset or impressed. What video games are you playing? [It's rude and dismissive, maybe, but he's actually laughing.

He's laughing, because the situation they're in is already so fucked up that it doesn't... Matter, at this point, does it? Sure. He's upset about being lied to, especially when he's been nothing but truthful! But... Fuck, what exactly does she have? So... Of course. Of course she used him.

... But their friendship wasn't... Based on that, was it? Not really.]

You know, I survived the end of the world with a bunch of gangbangers? I think a thief is an upgrade.

Edited 2017-06-23 21:22 (UTC)

Yeah! I had to. I mean-- okay, like... Rumlow THOUGHT I was an agent and the marriage was a cover and then I thought so, too, for like... half a second. But I'm not. I'm not like you. I'm not... capable or... super smart or-- ... I wanted you to believe in me.

[Drunk logic. She wanted him to trust her, so she lied to him. Brilliant, Kenz. Fucking genius plan right there.]

Call of Duty three and Robot Hooker Apocalypse mostly, but that's not important!

[He's laughing, but it's not reaching his eyes. It's not laughter-laughter. It's not like it was before, she fucked it up. Ugh. Nice fucking job, Kenz. As if you weren't a goddamn disaster before, getting so drunk you can barely walk, blabbing all over the network, dragging Matt into your emotional bullshit, and then you go and dump this on him! What the fuck kind of friendship is that? Who does that to people? Who treats people like that?

Apparently she does.]

Matt? Matt, I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry, okay?

[She struggles to sit up, pushing his shoulder so he rolls onto his back and she can hover above him-- okay, collapse onto his chest. Her hair is in the way, let her just push it behind one ear as the other side hangs like a curtain. Privacy.]

Don't hate me. I have skills! I could totally be an agent or something-- ... Wait. What do you mean 'the end of the world?'

[I'm not capable or super smart... I wanted you to believe in me.

The words hit Matt hard. He doesn't... Know what to say. He isn't Boss! He isn't someone who can grab someone up from the floor and raise them back up to the top. He isn't the person to yank anyone up from rock bottom. He doesn't know what to say. So he doesn't, which he knows is wrong, he knows it's absolutely the incorrect option, but there's not much else he can grasp at! If he opens his mouth, he risks saying something worse than nothing at all.

... That, of course, doesn't stop him from opening his mouth at all.]

You must've been really good at Call of Duty.

[It's another ring of hollow laughter, another weak smile. An attempt to make things normal, more than anything. Just a piece of something normal. Trying to pretend they weren't from different worlds, that he didn't pour some incredible things out to her, that he didn't slice himself open in front of her under the guise of her being trained!

She apologizes, and it's genuine, but it's got his throat choked up again. He doesn't know how to respond. Not like he's never been in weird situations before, not like people haven't lied or hurt or put him on the spot! But this is so different.

Kenzi is different. And even though he's still caught up in so many false memories and feelings, things that he has trouble pushing to the side even as she's pushing him to his back, he thinks he gets it.

She said it herself. She's alone.

And so is he.

And it's something he realized a long time ago, and it's something that comes to hang over him like a storm. There's comfort in the way Kenzi falls onto him, in the desperate way that she needs him and his approval.

His hand follows hers, brushing her hair away and cupping her cheek. To anyone watching, it'd look like an intimate moment.]

I don't hate you.

[The words are quiet, sincere.]

I meant it when I said I believed you. [He takes a deep breath.] You... Could have kept lying. [And he exhales.] But you didn't. You told the truth and that takes... A lot of... [A few words bounce around his head, and he tries to settle on the right one. He strokes her hair.] It takes a big person to do that.

[And just like that, he closes his eyes, takes another breath, and moves on.] I was abducted by aliens. Because we resisted, they destroyed the world. It was just the nine of us left, of all humanity, on a ship. [She opened up! It's only fair!]

[Normal isn't something Kenzi's sure they can get back to or not. She's been up front with him about how fucked up this situation is since day one. Okay, maybe not COMPLETELY up front considering.... the lies. But they've never feigned normalcy. They've never ignored the ever present danger they're in like she tried to do with Rumlow, and that somehow makes this connection more real than any of the others that started out with just playing along.

They've been in cahoots. In on this secret together the entire time. Colluding, plotting, playing at being able to do anything about this. The thing is... Matt might actually be able to do something about this. Kenzi might be able to help, if she wasn't drunk off her ass and mourning a fake marriage.

His words bring her out of her head, along with his touch. It's really sweet. It scares her. She stares down at him, not moving away, hanging on his every word as he strokes her hair.]

I'm a really good liar. It's one of many life skills you learn running cons and stealing other people's shit.

[You'd think a former gang leader would be a little better at it! Then again, he was usually behind a screen, apparently. Whatever. Doesn't matter. He doesn't hate her and he thinks she's a big person and he's touching her hair and she leans in closer, staring at his lips. She just really wants to--

Hold the fuck up.]

........................ Bullshit! Are you trying to get me back? Dude! At least my thing was believable! That's like a straight up Battlestar plot, I swear to frick!

[He's already admitted that he's impressed by it, that he fell for it. She really is good at what she does. It worries him that maybe there's more going on, that there may be more she's keeping hidden... But god, she's so drunk and emotional right now that she'd have to be the greatest spy in the world to keep it together now. As close as they are? He can smell it on her breath.

Especially when she leans in, so close he can almost taste-]

What - what?! It's true! Why would I lie about something like that! [Now he sounds genuinely upset. He pushes himself upright, just enough to glare at her.] Kenzi, I saw my planet destroyed!

To get even! [Or just to be an asshole, but Matt's actually... not an asshole. Ugh, now she's being glared at. She can't handle this right now. Glares are scary, go back to hair petting.

She frowns, barely moving when he moves just to be obstinate for the sake of-- ... Moving is hard, okay? She just wants to lay here.]

If your planet was blown up how are we on a planet right now? How am I not blown up? I'm pretty sure I'd remember an alien invasion. I mean-- ... the fae might have had some serious shit to say about that, so--

[Shit. Did she tell him about the fae? She's not supposed to tell anyone but Matt's her PARTNER and she has to-- ... goddamn. When the hell did she get so attached to this nerd?]

...........Do you think that's what this is? Aliens? With the trackers and the memory implants and the... stuff!?

I am getting even! By telling you the truth! [Ugh! Ugh! This is so difficult! He pulls her up so she can sit in his lap, rest her head against his shoulder. He wants to shake her, but he deals with just... Kind of cradling her instead.]

Because... I don't know. It could be a simulation. It could be an alternate universe. Another planet. There's a lot of potential explanations.

[Fae? That peaks Matt's curiosity. She did say there were strange things where she was from - Was that it? Will she even talk about it? She moved on really quickly.]

All I can tell you is what I know. I know what happened to me, and I know that I have... This. [Matt reaches behind him, into his pants. Don't freak out Kenzi, it's just a gun.

...

Okay, actually, that's probably worth freaking out over. Especially since it doesn't look like a real gun, and the sights glow brightly. The air around it is warm.]

It's one of the alien guns. The Zin. They put us in simulations, made us live our worst fears to try and break us. So maybe this is a little familiar, for my tastes.

Edited 2017-06-24 00:26 (UTC)

[Thank you for not shaking her, Matt, she probably would have puked or something. This is much more preferable than shaken Kenzi syndrome. He's pretty comfy for a skinny kid. She doesn't miss Rumlow's huge, super ripped, beefy arms at all.

Nope. Nooooot at all.]

If it was a simulation, I wouldn't be drunk. And your leg wouldn't hurt so bad.

[Unless it was totally like the Matrix and it was such a GOOD simulation that you don't even KNOW! Fuck. Oh no. Okay, that's too intense to think about right now. No thank you. She curls up a little more, fingers finding the fabric of Matt's shirt and clinging as if it will ground her spinning brain.

... And then he pulls out a fucking GUN! Holy SHIT!]

HOLY SHIT, DUDE!

[See? It's shoking. It's insane. She barely hears the explanation and the super heavy stuff Matt's talking about with Invader Zim or whatever the hell because she's grabbing that gun off him, turning it towards the nearest object, pulling the damn trigger and---

.................... there goes the mailbox.]

Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. That. Was. AMAZING!

Actually -

[Well. He's about to explain that yes, it was some Matrix shit where you couldn't figure out if it was real or not, and that was kind of the whole point of the simulation! Except, he supposes, his, which was a lot more cerebral but that's all sort of a moot point because she just yanks the gun away from him and starts shooting shit.]

What the fuck!

[His heart pounds hard in his chest as she just lasers the fuck out of a fucking mailbox!

And he wraps an arm around around her shoulder and grabs her wrists with the other one, trying to tug her back against him and stop her from shooting something else!]

Jesus Christ! It's three in the bloody morning, Kenzi! You can't just shoot whatever you want!

[...] ... Were you aiming for that?

[That mailbox had it coming! She's laughing-- giggling, actually, when Matt pulls her back and ends her shooting spree against postal receptacles. Genuine laughter, unadulterated joy! It's the first time she's laughed like this in... three days? Maybe four?

It reminds her of home.

Kenzi looks up at Matt, dreamily, still snickering but offering him the gun. She's apparently finished with it. Matt's hilarious. He's concerned and he freaks out about stuff and he's so awkward and weird and she likes him.]

I can and I did. And I was. Told you, dude. Video games DO have real world applications or whatever. You should see me with a crossbow! Oh, I have a crossbow. And a sword. And ninja stars. OH! And Bo has a FLAIL?! Like... the spiky ball on a chain? I can't even LIFT it!

[Matt is giving off serious terrified rabbit vibes right now. Kenzi casually puts a hand over his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart.] ...Are you okay?

[He very quickly takes the gun back and puts it behind the both of them. Hopefully out of reach of her, if nothing else. She does not need to be fucking around with it right now! Now with how drunk she is! Even if it's making her... Happy? She's actually laughing. Maybe he should let her shoot more things...]

Preaching to the choir. [Seriously. If anyone knows about the real world application of video games... Wait, what?] Slow down. I knew about the sword but - Did you come from some kind of fucked medieval fantasy? Why did you have all this! [Not going to mention that he had a sword, too. Hypocrite.

... His heartbeat ramps up when she places her hand to his chest. He stares at her hand, and then back at her.] I... I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting a shoot out, is all.

[She shrugs. Honestly, there really isn't a logical explanation for having a fuckton of medival, dark ages weaponry lying around the house.]

Fae don't like guns? Which is stupid. Because. Guns kill people. I mean I guess it won't kill most fae, but it will really fuck them up? I kinda always just figured Bo had like... the Batman stance on using guns but not because of her tragic backstory being her parents got shot at the opera, more that it's really hard to get a gun in Canada when you have a million fake names and are secretly a succubus with a rap sheet.

[Matt, that is concerning. Are you having a heart attack? Kenzi is concerned. Look at the concern on her face.] It wasn't a shootout. The mailbox was unarmed.

[Okay. Again. Slow down.

Matt places his hand over Kenzi's.]

Tell me about the fae.

[Oh. Oh, that's his hand again. It slows her down a lot and she's left looking up into those insanely blue eyes of his again. He's so ....... BRITISH!!]

I guess they're like... the opposite of aliens if you think about it. Like super ancient, been on this planet forever, secretly feeding off humans and keeping them as pets and being giant assholes! Okay, there's some similarities probably, but they were here before we were. On Earth. Think of basically any myth... and it's probably some type of fae.

[Sorry, Kenzi. He's squeezing her hand and staring back, hanging on every word. This may be the only time he gets her to open up about this! It's fascinating.]

Holy shit. So the fables and the myths were just... True? [He sounds genuinely excited about it!] You said your friend was a succubus - As in... She... [He nods his head rapidly, trying to coax it out of Kenzi.] Oh my god, did she ever... With you...

Backdated: June 10th, 2:24am - A very drunk network post

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