pinesnet | Backdated: June 10th, 2:24am - A very drunk network post

is this where im supposed 2 say "#notallmen"

sry

having a rough night i take it

is it prying 2 ask?

((the treehouse offer is still open btw))

Edited 2017-06-17 02:27 (UTC)

not if you want to retian the ability to pee standing upp

rough weekl. month. rough. existenec.

idk are we legit frinds or fake ones like all the res t of the fakethigns

...wh y are you offering my cousin's tree house?

noted

idk i dont think thats something 2 discuss on a msg board... but id like 2 think we have something real! ur my friend. honest.
& now every1 reading this can c that which is super gross bc im the sober 1 here

& bc its in my backyard?

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH MATT YOU JUST SOBERLY SAID SOMETHING GROSS AND MUSHY AND ITS ON THE INTERWEBS FOREVER what a lame

...........................................do ..... do you live with my cousin?

is that legal?

......YOU ARENT RELATED ARE YOU? BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH BRITISH AS FUCK AND PARTS OF YOU WERE IN ME.

GOD dont remind me ill have 2 see what i can do l8r

omfg
1. he comes & goes & i cant tell him anything! hes a menace!
2. we r NOT related thats anglophobic
3. I CANT BELIEVE U JUST SAID THAT U CANT SAY THAT ESP NOT WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE ESPECIALLY NOT WHERE YOUR BLOODY COUSINS CAN SEE christ kenzi! theyre going 2 murder me

ur anglophobic

what? its a thing. its a fact. im stating facts. im trying to understand bullshit familyties halfway through my third bottle of tqiuela.

teqoila

tqeui

ttyping is hard and you havent saida shit about my greencardmarriage fallig apart WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM

its difficult 2 talk about here 4 a lot of reasons

i honestly dont know what 2 say
what do u want me 2 say
im sry? im sorry. I am sorry. it doesnt feel real over txt ok
it def feels fake when ur drunk and idk what i need 2 say to convey it 2 u bc rite now this is very public & idk how to handle that

it seems like itd be more genuine if i could get it out 2 u face2face ok?

Edited 2017-06-17 03:41 (UTC)

im drunk cuz everything is fakeand i dont even want tofeel the fake feels

you have a stupid face.

i miss it

im not fake

[....... FUCK WAIT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN]

i can be there
if u want
if eliots ok w it

you wea r blacklispstick, live on the intenerts and think neyteblayde is REAL and wants your number.

can w e sit outside? on the lawn?

&all of that is REAL

yeah
dont wanna b inside?

[About 5 minutes later, Matt shows up outside of Kenzi's place. He's got a couple things with him! He's thoughtful. It's... Honestly not much, but it's the thought that counts. He's got a large towel and a couple drinks. Water bottles and some soda! Nothing alcoholic. Kenzi's already got that covered. Of course he's got his laptop, too.]

Kenz? You already out here?

[He doesn't want to knock or yell and... Disturb anyone. It's the deadass middle of the night! And this place can get... Weird about rules.]

Edited (might wanna finish my tag, first) 2017-06-17 23:02 (UTC)

its nice out there
you can see th e stars

[She doesn't expect Matt to just show up. Honestly, he somehow manages to keep convincing her to trust him without explicitly ever saying 'you can trust me' and there's no hidden agenda as far as she can tell. She's been watching him closely since he cut that tracker out of his leg. She's been scrutinizing his every word, every facial expression and there's nothing there she can clock.

She's also still lying to him. Gotta keep him at arms length. She can't make the same mistake twice.

When he shows up, she's on the porch. Just kind of laying there, arm out to the side and hair spread out over the steps like a waterfall. Her eyes are glassy and every reaction has a three second delay, but when she hears his voice she sits up.]

That's a lotta stuff...

[For all he knows, she's just a very unconventional agent with a lot of coping problems.

It's not that hard to conceive of.]

Hey! [He clears his throat and carefully offers a small wave.] You wanna... Hang out up there or come onto the lawn? [He holds up the bunch of things he has in his arm and motions his head for her to come over.]

It's just some drinks. A towel, so we don't have to sit on the grass.

[... But he starts making his way onto the porch, and sitting next to her. Places his things down with him.]

[The grass seems awfully far away, Matt. She just kind of stares at him blankly until he sits down next to her. As soon as the bunch of things is out of his arm, she leans into him, snaking her arm around his waist and sighing so heavily you'd think she pushed out ALL THE AIR IN HER ENTIRE BODY!]

I like drinks. Drinks are good. What's the alcohol content on these? Percentage wise?

[Her voice is listless, much emptier than she usually is when she talks to Matt. Coping problems is a nice way to put it.]

How's your leg?

[There's about a half a second where he freezes up at her arm, but... It's a small touch, and she's drunk, and he's supposed to be here for her, so he relaxes and returns it with an arm around her shoulders. Easy. Calm.]

It's... You're probably not going to drink if I tell you the truth. [But he's probably just given it away.] It's some water and a few sodas. I think I grabbed a mountain dew and a root beer.

[Speaking of, he unbundles them from the towel and sets them out. Takes a root beer and opens it.]

It's not bad! Healed up for the most part. Still a little red, but you can barely tell I did anything, unless you knew what to look for.

[You'd think Matt would have more experience with drunk girls hanging off of him-- no. Wait. This is Matt Miller. Of course he doesn't.

Whatevs. She sinks into him, completely oblivious of his inner conflict and deeply steeped in self pity, alcoholism, and a tiny bit of heartache.]

... You brought me water? [That right there? That was hope. Something she thought was extinguished by now. She doesn't pull away, but she does look up at him.]

You just need my... amazing expert ninja skills to get to the bottom of this place. If I'm hella smashed I can't make sure you don't slice yourself up again like an idiot, Matt, you're kind of an idiot. That was such a stupid thing. I was so scared...

It. It wasn't because of you, you know. The... we didn't fight because of you.

[Hey, come on. He's got experience! Granted, it's usually in the context of a rave and far, far less complicated than this, but he knows about having inebriated people around. He knows about being that needy, clingy person sometimes! It's just... Not usually this isolated and weird.]

I... I did. [He looks down at her with a small, awkward smile... And because he can't have anything good without ruining it;] You're right, I can't have my only partner turning herself into a shriveled preserve. [He jostles her, gently. Teasing.] It was scary, but it worked. And now I don't have to worry about it, anymore. And neither do you, I'm fine.

[It takes him a minute to really... Process what she's said. It wasn't because of him.

Her green card marriage.] Kenzi, I didn't think... [Is that what this is all about? He actually... Actually looks at her. Properly. For the first time in a while, he looks at her, all of her and... She hasn't got her ring on, has she?]

What happened?

[Ffffffffff, she actually laughs at the teasing. The fact that he called her his partner sends a sharp, stab of pain through her heart, though. All she does is lie to people and tries to justify it by saying it's to protect them. Usually it's to protect herself.

She looks distant suddenly. Zones out. She's thinking. No, she doesn't have her ring on. She's got bags under her eyes and they're red-rimmed and puffy. She looks like she's stopped taking care of herself. If it weren't for Jeff and Eliot, she'd probably be passed out in an alley somewhere.

With slow, unsteady movements, she uncurls herself from Matt and flails an arm out until she grabs the towel. She twists around until she can grab a water in her other hand and lurches forward, rocking to her feet to drag both items to the lawn. Her steps are wobbly and uneven, but she manages to throw the towel down... in a clump. Wow. That wasn't very effective. Maybe if she nudges it with her foot-- nope. Okay, this is hard.

She turns around to pathetically pout at Matt until he comes to arrange the towel properly so they can lay down and look up at the stars.]

I'll tell you if you fix this.

[She's distant. Quiet. It's not... Kenzi. It's not Kenzi that he's talking to, that he's looking at right now. He's not sure who or what it is, but it's not the bright, lively, spunky woman he... Sort of knew. That he liked to think he's gotten to know! No, the woman sitting outside with him was... Dark. Depressing. Tired. Hurt.

He watches her wobble around silently, desperate to ask a thousand questions but never quite forming them. Eventually he just gathers the rest of the things and stands up to stare at her, asking the most pertinent of all, "What are you doing?" with his expression, until she finally says something.]

... I think I can accept that deal.

[He smiles and makes his way across the lawn, placing his things back down before picking the towel up and fanning it out.]

So, ladies first? [Like he's being clever, he extends an arm and an invitation onto the towel.]

[She hasn't felt like herself in a long time. It's like there's a huge part of her missing. There is a huge part of her missing. Without Bo, she's lost. She keeps giving away the remaining pieces of herself and soon there won't be anything left.

But then there's Matt. And he doesn't ask her for a damn thing. He doesn't drain her or want anything from her, he's just... there for her. Partners.

Kenzi takes his outstretched arm and promptly faceplants into the towel-- nope! So close. Matt's arm saves her face from certain doom, but it might not save him from getting pulled down onto the towel with her. She's laughing, at least. It's muted, less vibrant than her usual laugh, but it's there.]

So, um...

[Where does she start? How does she start? She curls up, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.]

That night after I left your place, after I patched up your leg, I got home and he was waiting. Wouldn't leave me alone...

I snapped. I had... intel on him. Stuff he played like he didn't remember, but he knew all along. Rumlow wasn't one of the good guys like I thought he was.

[He does his best to hold her up and keep from tumbling, himself, but... Well, it's a surprise, and he ends up managing a controlled fall onto the towel next to her. Were she not laughing, he'd be worried. As it stands, he's quiet for a shocked second before he joins her, soft at first and then bubbling up and out as he helps lift her up.

Matt's hands find their way around her arms, around her shoulders. Bracing her. Helping to hold her up. His eyes find hers. He just wants to make sure he's getting everything, paying attention.]

Waiting for you? What, like the bloody Inquisition?

[That's not the important part. The bit about intel... That's a bit more... Well, it's got Matt's attention.]

What did he do, Kenzi?

[She huffs a laugh, almost snorts.] Nobody expects the inquisition.

[It wasn't malicious. It didn't start maliciously. He was worried about her. She'd been distant... she was trying to hold all this conflicting information at once. Things other people had told her about Brock vs the man she knew... ]

He... tried to kill a lot of innocent people. He did kill innocent people. There-- ... it was a double cross. Like a coup. There was another agency in the agency and they turned on them. He was part of that. Pretending to be the good guy and playing everyone all along. Playing me...

[She shrugs her shoulders, smiling sadly, looking up at the sky.]

I wanted to believe the lie. I thought... I mean I could have loved him? But I couldn't forgive him or excuse what he did. He keeps preaching loyalty when the only person he's loyal to here is himself. Steve, Nat-- ... he turned on them. Tried to take them out. He... HYDRA, fucked with my cousin. I know he's not really my cousin, but he's all I got, you know? I don't have Bo or Trick or Dyson, I just have Bucky. And Jeff and Eliot. And... you.

[God, he wishes he could just keep up with the joke. With the laugh, no matter how small it is. He really wishes he could just hold on to that, and that they could just go from there instead of... Where it does go.

She just kind of pours it all out and he has to... Handle it. Matt has to handle this sudden influx of terrifying information from this tiny drunk woman and even though they're both agents, it takes him a second to really... Soak it in and start dealing with it.]

Did he do anything here? [It's a small, stupid point, but it's going somewhere.] He doesn't - Have allies here, right? You do. Your cousin, your friends, we - [Wait.] They do. Even if it's not people from home...

[Matt shifts, rolling on his hip so he can turn and face her, block her view of the sky so he can look her in the eyes.]

Sometimes you get trapped with people, and they aren't always your first choice, or even... Necessarily people you'd trust to stare the end of the world down with, people you hardly know, but in the end it turns out there's no one else you'd rather be with.

[He reaches out to grab Kenzi's hand] And those people... Are the ones who'll save you, and keep you alive, and safe from the ones like Killbane. [He stiffens.] Or Rumlow. Or... Whoever.

[She shakes her head, making herself dizzy with the force of it.] No, no no no. Not that I know of. And like-- I would know. I mean... probably. I'd probably know. But I didn't know about the other shit? Shit...

[He didn't do anything as far as she knows. And he didn't have allies as far as she knows, either. If he did, he likely wouldn't have been so docile where Steve was concerned.

Kenzi frowns. Not because she's worried about Rumlow's allies, but because Matt changed that 'we' to 'they.' She's still frowning when he turns on his side and she shifts, too, propping her head up with her hand, elbow on the towel.]

I get that. I kinda know that feeling.

[Oh. Oh no. He has her hand. She stares at it, frozen, like any sudden movements will make him take his hand back. His fingers are much longer than hers, but their manicures match. Glossy, black nails against pale skin. Still staring at their hands, she experimentally wiggles her fingers until they're intertwined with Matt's.]

Who's Killbane? Sounds like he's overcompensating with a name that stupid.

[Her eyes finally flick back up to meet his gaze, and she's caught off guard. She's already thrown off by the amount of alcohol in her system, but something about What Matt's saying and how he's being honest and they're laying here outside under the stars makes her want to just bLURT OUT--]

I'm not actually a secret agent. I'm not even licensed to own a gun! I stole it from Hale when he wasn't paying attention to his holster. All my weaponry skills come from youtube and video games! I'm ... just a thief. I'm a thief.

un; R4gn0r0k

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